lishun's musings

Thursday, July 28, 2005

blog about blogs

kamigoroshi blogs about blogs alot. i mean, i can't even begin to refer you to specific entries because there are just too many.

anyway, it got me thinking about what my blog is about.

i do know what it used to be about.

back in 2003, when i first started my blog, it was a way for me to communicate with my friends and family back home while i was 300km away in the tiny red dot called singapore. it didn't work very well, especially since none of my family really cared about blogs, and my closest friends were more..."telephone people".

so the blog started evolving into something i used to express my views about trivial things. i'm neither smart nor mature enough to make my blog a journalistic one like jeff ooi's. and i'm not as committed a blogger as kami, so i wrote about whatever i could catch from my incredibly fast-running train of thoughts.

and it was all good. i had more hits, more comments (more as in, i was getting 2 or 3, from zero, haha) and i was happy.

but now i find myself stuck when it comes to what i want to blog about.

my blog isn't a diary. i don't come here to unload my thoughts and worries simply because i have this belief that everything i go through should be between me and God and no one else. why burden others with my concerns when i can "deal" with them myself?

anyway, i'm not sure about what i want this blog to be anymore. right now i can't bring myself to write about changes or how tuned-out commuters can be or my struggles with being an acknowledgement addict.

all i want to do is to have a pensieve of my own so i can siphon out every last bit of my thoughts which are now running so fast i can't even process them. i can't find a place to even begin to "deal" with them.

do forgive me for my irregular entries. i'm going through some difficult times, and i've never been good at sharing them. i'll still write - i need to write - but i'm afraid the way i'll be writing now will not be how i used to in the past.

lishun at 10:05 PM

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

admission : one

sometimes i don't say exactly what i mean.

occasionally i don't reveal my thoughts.

most of the time what i feel is not expressed in words.

almost always i throw casual comments in the hope someone will see beyond the nonchalance.

it's not because i don't trust you.

it's not because i think you won't understand.

i just think that sometimes things are better handled internally.

i just think that it's my burden to carry.

of course...

sometimes, occasionally, most of the time, almost always

i am wrong.

but i'm just too darn proud and stubborn to admit it to anyone.

especially not to you, my friend.

lishun at 10:42 PM