lishun's musings

Thursday, April 27, 2006

spot the similarities

dr. george o'malley (from "grey's anatomy"): i am not your sister!

(future) dr. lishun chua (from "lishun's musings"): i am not your brother!

damnit.

lishun at 9:08 PM

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

the promise

I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind.
- Genesis 9:13-15 (NIV)

i saw a rainbow today.

no, not a pathetic one like the one that appeared above the heads of the sem1s as they were subjected to showers of goodness-knows-what courtesy of the seniors on the upper floors of imu. i mean, that little rainbow was fabulous because it lifted everyone's spirits for a while and i could tell that the little aerial splash of colour relished the attention it received because it hung around long enough for eager cameras to immortalise it in their memory cards. but it had no "oomph".

the rainbow i saw today was a huge, majestic arch that seemed to stretch from the hill opposite imu all the way till cheras. the best thing was that the sky was filled with dark clouds threatening to unleash a fury and the seven colours, the first seven colours we learn in school, showed up ever so clearly against the gloomy background.

it was breathtaking, and i felt like a child seeing a real rainbow for the very first time.

i found it pretty ironic that i didn't have my camera with me today to capture that glorious sight. multiple cameras were there during icebreakers and i'm sure i'm not the only one to have a picture of that small, pathetic rainbow stored in the remote corners of my hard drive.

i'm just more and more convinced that truly awesome beauty is not meant to be captured in a picture so that you will eventually take it for granted. it's meant to be an image you see in your dreams at night, or a feeling you get when you read a good bit of poetry. it's a memory to make you smile when you're feeling less than thrilled about life...and that's what makes it all the more beautiful.

i needed that rainbow so so badly. when i don't have space to take a deep breath and not much time to spare for a laugh with my friends, it is a relief to have the vision of that magnificent display of God's artistic abilities in my mind...just so that i am reminded that there is still beauty, that i'm not running around like a rabid dog for nothing, that God's promises hold true.

although i know He was referring more to never flooding the earth again, but i just felt that the covenant He spoke of encompasses all of His promises: promise of love, the promise of faithfulness, the promise of rewards, the promise of salvation.

the flood's over. now's the time to prosper. the rainbow promises that.

lishun at 11:41 PM

Sunday, April 23, 2006

23

jimmy eat world - "23"

i felt for sure last night
that once we said goodbye
no one else will know these lonely dreams
no one else will know that part of me
i'm still driving away
and i'm sorry every day
i won't always love these selfish things
i won't always live
not stopping

it was my turn to decide
i knew this was our time
no one else will have me like you do
no one else will have me, only you

you'll sit alone forever
if you wait for the right time
what are you hoping for?
i'm here i'm now i'm ready
holding on tight
don't give away the end
the one thing that stays mine

amazing still it seems
i'll be 23
i won't always love what I'll never have
i won't always live in my regrets

---

...and so the first month-and-a-half have passed by. the results of tomorrow's summative exam will determine if i am truly able to balance my studies and non-academic life well. truth be told i feel like i don't deserve a good grade and am already kinda looking forward to my parents' reprimands for taking on too many extra curricular activities in the last 40days. am still hoping the mad week-long residence in the chilly corners of the library will salvage the situation.

anyway, during those hours sitting at the table with my batchmates and juniors surrounding me, i was fortunate to have the company of the trusty mp3 player i won in a lucky draw more than a year ago. one song kept coming back to me every time i sat down to study - it was jimmy eat world's "23".

i first heard of this song while browsing through eyeris' archives (he's got great taste in music...similar to mine, haha) and decided to give it a listen, despite not being much of a jimmy eat world fan.

to be honest i didn't like it at first, but somehow the haunting guitar on that song just kept coming back to me everytime i studied this week...and it's just one of those songs that has become part of the collective group of things and people that have sustained me through all the frustration of the last couple of weeks.

here's wishing all the sem1s and sem2s of imu all the best in your summatives! God bless...=)

lishun at 10:59 AM

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

genuine help

"let me know if you need any help, ok?"

in the days gone by when i used to whine each and every day (a testimonial in friendster reads: "lishun whines. alot." gee thanks ya) one of my main complaints is that i end up with work that no one wants to help me with.

it's usually menial tasks, things that wouldn't take up anything more than 10-15mins per job; things that people find the most tedious because they're the little things no one wants to do. it's understandable then that i end up doing them because - here comes the self-psychoanalysing part - i picked up the annoying habit of wanting to please everyone from my mother.

it's alright when it's just one thing to do per week or every couple of days, but it's a different matter altogether when i find myself juggling 4 or 5 little tasks that need to be completed every single day. eventually those 10-15mins accumulate into several hours and at the end of the day, i've completed many pieces of unrelated things at the expense of the main things i've originally wanted to do.

i'm not sure what this is called. purposeful procrastination?

anyway, as i was saying, i usually complained about how no one is there to help me. what i forgot to include in my thoughts, though, is the many times when help was offered to me but i never said "yes".

there may be several reasons for this, but the main one would be that most of the time when people ask, "hey, do you need help?" they don't really mean it. they say it because they're being polite. they extend a helping hand because it's only nice to do so. but they don't really mean to help you. then, if you decide to take up the offer, their faces momentarily scrunch up into a look of displeasure before fading back to a plastic smile while they listen to whatever help you need.

don't ever deny that you've offered help that you never intended to give. don't lie and tell me that there haven't been times when you've felt your heart drop when people say they need your help. most of us have been raised to be nice, even if we're not feeling particularly nice.

in other words, i just don't want to ask for help or accept offers of help, only to be given a second-long sour look and have people roll their eyes or sigh audibly as they turn away.

maybe it's the kind of people i've known over the years that has made me feel this way. perhaps i'm just unfortunate to have encountered situations where i've ended up with half-hearted assistance - which is worse than no assistance, actually - whenever i put my trust in anyone.

things are starting to change though. i've met people who mean it when they say they want to help. there aren't many of them but there are some that i can and definitely do trust.

i haven't exactly taken up their many offers to help, but that's because i can get rather type A-ish sometimes and just want to get things done my way at my pace. it might stress me out and overwhelm me, but it's not because no one's extended a genuine helping hand. it's just because i'm being an ass.

it's a good thing college has taught me not to whine anymore, although i remember being a much happier person in school when i could have verbal diarrhea and whine freely about everything. still, it's a good thing because not whining and complaining has given me a chance to sit down and think about things properly instead of ranting away in every direction.

anyway, it's just nice to know that there are people whose "let me know if you need any help, ok"s are genuine offers that are always there to be redeemed.

lishun at 7:46 AM

Sunday, April 16, 2006

tell the world

tell the world that Jesus lives!
tell the world that He died for them.
tell the world that He lives again!

happy easter, everyone! it's a good day to tell the world the truth! =)

lishun at 12:39 AM

Friday, April 14, 2006

how can it be?

i was driving home tonight, zoning out the way most drivers do when they take the same route everyday, when it suddenly hit me that it's good friday.

it's been good friday for 21 hours and i only realised it 20 minutes ago.

i prayed during the cf camp comm meeting this afternoon and i didn't remember that it's good friday. i read the bible before i started studying this evening and it didn't occur to me that it's good friday. i heard carrie underwood's "Jesus take the wheel" on my way home and it was only right before i took the turn into my neighbourhood that it hit me.

it's good friday. Jesus died today almost 2000 years ago. because of His blood, my sins are forgiven. i can have a relationship with God because His Son paid the price of death for me.

it was pretty overwhelming. i mean, i know the whole story...it's basic sunday school stuff (not that i've ever been to sunday school but yeah), but it's hard to fathom the greatness and awesomeness of God until you feel it.

just this morning, i received an email from a good friend who wrote, "i guess now i worship God not because of what He has done for me, but because He is really awesome," and i wrote back saying that i'm at a low in my spiritual life at the moment and can't relate enough to be "blown away by that revelation" the way she described.

but just now, on the way home, i was blown away. i choked at the wheel and had to stop myself from just breaking down in tears because i didn't want my parents to think there was anything wrong with me.

i'm ashamed to have been so caught up with everything to even forget that it's good friday. i've been on the verge of exploding into a full whining session for the last two weeks simply because i let the mediocre things of the world overwhelm me, when really it should be God who overwhelms me each day.

it should be that way, but it isn't, and i can't even begin to describe how sorry i am for that.

---

i'm forgiven because You're forsaken
i'm accepted, You were condemned
i'm alive and well, Your spirit is within me
because You died and rose again

amazing love, how can it be?
that You my king would die for me?
amazing love, i know it's true
now it's my joy to honour You

in all i do
i honour You

You are my king
Jesus, You are my king

lishun at 9:42 PM

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

there will be days...

...when when the only thing you wanna do is one of the following:

(a) grab your favourite pillow and cry till you're too tired to cry anymore.

(b) sit in silence with the arms of the one you love wrapped around you.

(c) take a sleeping pill and have 12 hours of dreamless sleep.

this is one of those days.

and i don't have the luxury of any of those options.

lishun at 11:09 PM

Monday, April 10, 2006

here it comes again

last year, i did this.

this year, it's gonna be in june.

that means i have exactly 2 1/4 months to prepare for it.

do i even want to do it?!

lishun at 10:57 PM

Sunday, April 09, 2006

nature boy - "i am shallow" day no. ...whatever

by the law of inverse relationship between days till exams and level of stress, my stress levels are increasing exponentially. and as i normally do when i'm stressed and in need of destressing (i know! i need to work on vocab, bleh) i have scoured the internet for the hottest conservationists on tv.

yes. conservationists on tv. you know. think less sir david attenborough and more steve irwin. minus the "blimey!" and "crikey!" and "cor, isn't she a beeeeeaaaauuuutay?"

the reason why i decided to do this is because i'm a huge fan of jeff corwin, the funniest, most adorable wildlife biologist on television, ever! ok wait. lemme do this in my old format...

jeff corwin - corwin's quest & the jeff corwin experience

this is jeff corwin. i remember he mentioned in one of his shows that he specialises in bats. hmm. he's also an emmy award-winning tv host.

what i like most about him is his insane sense of humour. he's dead funny. he does silly running commentaries on whatever animal they're filming is doing, he cracks lame jokes, says the occasional witty thing, and makes learning about nature really fun.

i feel like i'm 10 everytime i watch his show. maybe because he presents in a kid-friendly way (his emmy was, after all, for best performer in a children's series), but i figure it's really because he brings out the child-like fascination we all have about nature. love him!

chris kratt - kratt's creatures & be the creature

i came across chris kratt one day as i was channel surfing. he was jumping around on the ground, imitating a monkey, in africa. the monkey thing was mildly amusing, but i thought he was pretty cute (he looks like jerry o'connell), so here he is!

anyway, chris kratt is the younger half of the kratt brothers, famous for their very kids-orientated educational tv shows (it's evident they do kids' shows the moment you step onto their website). chris hosts all his shows with older bro martin and together they tour the country educating kids about nature.

i don't quite fancy their shows because they're too kid-ish. jeff corwin's shows are more, i dunno. at least older viewers can enjoy his shows too.

*edit: just to add a note...i got this pic of chris off a gay site. the pic doesn't do him much justice, but its origin should give you an idea of how hot he really is.

rob - staff at the australia zoo's reptile section

i don't know rob's last name. all it says on the crocodile hunter website is that rob's been working with the reptiles for less than a year and that he loves reptiles.

anyway, i'm pretty sure i've seen rob on "the crocodile hunter files" one time or another because i definitely 100% remember a hot guy in a beige uniform carrying an injured iguana and handing it over to steve irwin so he can work his "cor blimey!" magic on the animal.

oh yes! i reckon rob looks like curtis stone from "surfing the menu". maybe it's an aussie dude thing. i dunno. what do you think?

alrighty, i've gotta go learn to save some lives. cpr exam tomorrow. eek. at least i won't have to learn to perform the heimlich maneuveur on a croc. best leave that to these cute professionals!

lishun at 6:17 PM

Thursday, April 06, 2006

no sex please, we're ignorant

first of all, i would like to say that i can understand why some songs are censored. "f**k" is usually smudged out of a song because it's just rude. other words like "ass" and "shit" are sometimes censored too because, well, they're deemed vulgar by some people. i personally disagree because an ass is a donkey and shit is the layman term for fecal matter, but that's just me.

i don't see the rationale behind censoring the word "sex" in songs, though.

in jamie foxx's really sexy, or should i say s**y, sial song "unpredictable", there's a bit in the song when ludacris comes in with his cool rapper's voice (the best voice belonging to any rapper, imho) claiming, "some say that sex is overrated but they just ain't doing it right." when the song is played on the most popular english radio station in malaysia, there is a rough jumble of beats in the place of "sex".

i don't like it. i don't like it at all. here we are complaining that malaysian youth don't know the right stuff about sex while the most widely listened-to radio station sends out the message that "sex" is a dirty word that should be ignored and feared. every day as people tune in to that station, they receive the impression that it is wrong to even mention sex lest discuss about it.

last year, i attended a public forum organised by the ministry of women and family development (kpwk) on the national guidelines for sexuality education. the guidelines have since been approved and sexuality education will be implemented in selected public schools this year, under the 9th malaysia plan.

i was pleasantly surprised at the openness displayed when discussing issues relating to the sexuality education guidelines at the forum. everyone - the students, the religious bodies, the human rights organisations - was in complete agreement that sexuality education is the way to go in solving problems like sexual abuse, sexually-related crimes and teen pregnancies.

education is the key. openness is the way. knowledge is the solution. i emerged from the forum feeling very optimistic that malaysians will finally see sex as less of a taboo and more of a subject that should definitely be discussed with our parents, children, teachers and friends.

but what use is formal education about sex when the media is still telling us that anything pertaining to sex should be avoided at all costs?

we watch television every day. when we drive, we turn on the radio. most people make it a point to read the newspapers each day. one of the major topics in sexuality education is the subject of dealing with the messages the media sends to us about sex. it's just proof - proof that we don't need because it's already indisputable - that the media plays a huge huge part in shaping our perceptions about sex.

and yet we have radio stations playing songs with the word "sex" so obviously omitted. i'm not so optimistic anymore. and if you know me, you'd know that i'm usually unreasonably optimistic...so much so that i border on being annoying.

anyway, it may seem petty to be picking on something as small as the censorship of the word "sex" in songs that receive so much airplay. the thing is...every message the media sends about sex will affect the way the society views sex.

if we can't even mention sex on our airwaves, when can anyone talk or learn about sex then? if we're indirectly told that it's wrong to speak of sex, how is implementing sexuality education in schools going to work properly? allowing ignorance to proliferate is allowing the occurence of heinous crimes to continue and worrying social trends to carry on spiralling downwards.

call me irritatingly optimistic, but i believe that by stopping the censorship of one word, malaysians will be just that little bit more open and willing to get the right information about sex.

lishun at 8:49 PM

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

doin' the shuffle

i got this meme off kyels' blog. thought it was pretty interesting, so since i haven't done a meme in ages, i decided to indulge in one. heh.

---

go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
say the following questions aloud, and press play.
use the song titles that come up to answer each question.
NO CHEATING.

how does the world see me?:
only hope - mandy moore
wah. so flattering. a good excuse to not resort to "fatter-ing" myself. *throws chips away*

will i have a happy life?:
united states of whatever - liam lynch
i went down to the beach and saw kiki and she was all like "urgh" and i was like "whatever!" yup. very happy.

what do people really think of me?:
she wants to move - n.e.r.d.
ooh, she wants to move, but you're hogging her and guarding her.

do people secretly lust after me?:
i still haven't found what i'm looking for - u2
huh?

how can I make myself happy?:
friday's child - will young
monday's got a beautiful baby...but friday's child was born to give.

what should I do with my life?:
kau ilhamku - man bai
thousands of stars illuminate the sky, caressing me in the dark. um. right.

will i ever have children?:
ocean avenue - yellowcard
it's random. it's not meant to be taken seriously. uh-huh.

what is some good advice for me?:
swing-swing - all-american rejects
o_O" omg the player's shuffle has implied that i should swing! gah!

what do i think my current theme song is?:
heaven - live
i like this random pick: i don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth, i can see the sunset and i perceive.

what does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
only one - yellowcard
mei ee will be pleased. hah.

what song will play at my funeral?:
first love - utada hikaru
it'd be a shame to play this one at my funeral...i don't even understand japanese. eep.

what type of men/women do you like?:
tal vez - ricky martin
translation: tal vez = perhaps. question marks, people!

what is my day going to be like?:
stand by me - oasis
stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be. aha.

why am I here?
please stay - kylie minogue
well, wouldn't you be here if kylie told you to stay? huh? wouldn't you?

what will people remember me for?:
say goodbye - s club 7
aww.

what song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?:
tilt ya head back - nelly & christina aguilera
you stand there lookin' at me, i stand here lookin' at you, you know exactly what's on my mind, yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaah.

are there people outside waiting to take me away?:
return to me - matthew ryan
i'm actually relieved the song that came up wasn't "yeah!" by usher. lol.

what will this year be all about?
hanging by a moment - lifehouse
i'm living for the only thing i know, i'm running but not quite sure where to go...

i'm gonna tag people for the first time ever, simply because i think this is a nice change from the usual"list 7 things people dunno about you" or "chocolate/vanilla?" memes. here are the 5 unlucky people i've chosen to undertake the menial task of doing a meme!

1. prasad - just to make sure snowpatrol isn't the only band on your playlist.
2. yihseong - in an attempt to revive your blog.
3. deborah - in a desperate attempt to increase your post count.
4. yee yoon - because your blog is so tiny and *cute*!
5. albert - just to see what kind of answers you'll get.

um. ok. that's all. run along now.

lishun at 11:53 PM

Sunday, April 02, 2006

fat facts

fact #1

it's been scientifically proven that women have greater cravings for high-carb food because they have lower serotonin levels than men. serotonin is an opiate neurotransmitter in the brain that relays a "happy feeling" and helps in inducing sleep, calming anxiety and relieving depression. the intake of carbohydrates actually triggers the release of serotonin, which explains why women are more likely than men to turn to comfort food like chips, pastries and doughnuts when they feel in need of a mood-boost.

fact #2

humans seek after and consume fatty foods because we are programmed to do so. when humans first evolved into, erm, humans, they were hunters and gatherers who had to travel extensively and go without food for days. the body's fat stores were therefore essential in the survival of early humans because emergency energy sources were necessary should there be a lack of food available. it is no surprise then that humans have evolved to find fatty foods tasty and desirable.

it is only in recent years (recent in relation to the whole history of the human race) that humans have developed a lifestyle that enables us to acquire food easily and not have to take part in much physical activity to survive. the result is lots of fatty food at our disposal and no necessary exercise that will work it off. and the rest, as they say, is obesity.

fact #3

i've been an absolute pig in the last couple of weeks. the stress hasn't been helping much. i've resorted to having instant noodles for breakfast, snaffling almost an entire box of ferrero rocher, gobbling down tonnes of li'l fried food snacks and picking up the bad bad habit of having supper...just to make myself feel better.

the good news is, i'm not desperate enough to start sticking a toothbrush down my throat everytime i eat something sinful. the bad news is, the reading on the scale is on the constant rise and although i am not one to become depressed because i'm packing on the pounds faster than you can say "haagen daz strawberry icecream rocks!", i am worried that i might not be able to find the willpower to stop eating and start getting active again.

it'd be so so easy to make excuses out of facts #1 and #2. i'm trying hard not to do that, but i need some kind of motivation, fast.

in moments like this, i half wish i were back in jc; 3 periods of pe with a tough pe tutor a week, a napfa test to pass, a weight target to keep in order to avoid the taf club, no money to buy snacks, a 20-minute walk to the supermarket, and a hill to climb up everytime i return from college...situations that force me to get some exercise. situations that i am finally free from now that i'm living in my comfy home, driving to class in my comfy car.

gah. i'm supposed to be svelte for summer!

lishun at 7:47 PM