lishun's musings

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

in the company of winners

my mother once told me that she's very happy that i found myself in the company of people who are all very talented, smart and special in their own way. i interpreted that to mean that she's happy i don't hang out with "the wrong crowd".

however, that wasn't really what she meant. she is of course relieved that i didn't stray from the straight path, but what she really wanted to tell me was that she is glad that alot of my friends are better than me, often in more ways than one.

that might not make much sense to you, so i'll have to tell you a little background story.

my parents have a classmate who had 3 daughters. in true fashion of a brothers grimm fairy tale, each one was more beautiful than the last. also in true fashion of a brothers grimm fairy tale, the story ends in tragedy.

the youngest daughter - let's call her "alice" - was the prettiest, smartest and most talented of the 3 girls. she topped her class every year and held multiple leadership positions in school. she was pretty, popular and people either hated her or worshipped the ground she walked on. it was a good place to be.

however, alice's teachers decided that it was time for someone else to have a chance to shine. although she was a capable leader who juggled schoolwork and extra-curricular activities very well, it was unfair for her to hog every bit of limelight available and stifle all the other girls' chances to show what they can do.

it was to alice's horror that the teachers chose a different girl to take up the responsibility as the rangers' unit leader, a position she had been confident of taking over ever since her seniors stepped down.

alice was angry and confused - why wasn't she chosen? didn't the teachers trust her? she worked so hard to qualify for the position; did they think that she could have worked harder? what did the other girl have that she didn't?

no matter how hard she tried, alice could not work it out. deep underneath her confident shell, she was as insecure and immature as any other teenage girl. the inability to comprehend the reality that she could not possibly be on top all the time finally overwhelmed her one day.

she kicked the stool from under her and said goodbye to the cruel, cruel world.

my mother said her classmate failed to show up at their annual class gatherings for a good 10 years after alice's death.

i understand what it is that she wanted me to know: by surrounding myself with people who are more hardworking than me, smarter than me, more muscially talented than me, better-looking than me (not hard to find, but yeah), more mature than me or are just generally better than me - it kept my feet planted firmly on the ground.

i've been chosen last for team games during pe. i've been passed over for several leadership positions in school. i've only ever once finished top of my class - and that was only because my closest competitor didn't hand in his art folio and hence landed himself a "B" for art in form 2. there are plenty of things my friends can do that i will never be able to be really good at no matter how hard i try.

it's all those things that i remind myself of everytime i do get picked to take on responsibilities or whenever i receive recognition for any work i have done.

when you're in the company of winners, there will be more than one occasion when you have to concede defeat to someone who is better than you, fair and square. when that happens, although it is necessary to practice some humility here, there really is neither shame nor cause to feel any less worthy because hey...you were in the company of winners, man!

---

congratulations to the new students' representatives council (src) of imu...especially to kahyee, my super totally worthy opponent. it was a pleasure running for vice pres with you! if only every competition i get myself into were so friendly. hehe.

also, many many thanks to everyone who supported me throughout the campaign. my only regret is that i can't materialise any hope you had placed in the votes you gave me, not through the src at least.

now what are you waiting for? give the new src some work to do! lol. =)

lishun at 10:43 PM

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

multiple choice

which of the following is most unlikely to happen?

A. girl meets boy, boy thinks girl is cute, girl thinks boy is nice, boy asks girl out, boy and girl decide they like each other and get together.

B. girl meets boy, girl and boy become friends, girl and boy decide they like each other and get together.

C. girl meets boy, boy likes girl, girl is not really attracted to boy, boy asks girl out, girl is too polite to say no, girl decides she likes boy after date, boy and girl get together.

D. girl meets boy, girl likes boy, boy is not really attracted to girl, girl asks boy out, boy is too polite to say no, boy decides he likes girl after date, girl and boy get together.

E. girl meets boy, girl likes boy, boy treats girl as "one of the guys", boy never really realises girl is a girl, girl puts on makeup and goes onstage to sing, boy finally sees girl as a girl, boy decides he likes girl, boy and girl have "a talk" and get together after 5 seasons - i mean months.

...

answer: D

it ain't gonna happen. never has and never will. even option E has a chance of happening outside of "dawson's creek" and "a walk to remember".

*sigh*

lishun at 10:54 PM

Monday, June 26, 2006

in true champion fashion...

...the soft, foul-tasting calcium (?) filling on my poor dead molar chipped off just now as i was gnawing on a piece of guava.

the appointment for phase 2 of "operation root canal" is tomorrow at 0930 hours. do pray that i'll be able to get out in time, and in minimal pain, to hop over to the mcds opposite the clinic and grab some brekkie.

lishun at 4:42 PM

Sunday, June 25, 2006

mercy for the blur

i watched an episode of "the scholar" a couple of weeks ago.

in case you don't know what the show's about, it involves 10 candidates vying for a full scholarship to any university of their choice in any discipline that tickles their fancy. most of them have a cgpa of 4.0 - that means they're bloody smart - and are also actively involved in high school activities but, for some weird reason, they were unable to attain any scholarships. the show gives them a chance to compete for the scholarship of their dreams and, along the way, some of them get USD 50,000 in financial aid as well.

fabulous stuff.

my initial opinion of the show was that it's ridiculous to make the sad reality of good students not getting any scholarships into a reality show (haha). i soon ditched that impression after reading about how, despite america being the "land of opportunity" governed (mostly?) by meritocracy, there are just not enough scholarships for all excellent students as well as the above-average kids who come from low-income families or depend on education to pull them out of their high-risk situations. you can't please everyone, and if a reality tv show is the candidates' one and only way to realistically achieving their dreams, why not?

sounds familiar?

but that's not really what i wanna talk about. if you want to know what everyone thinks about the scholarships and public university admissions issues, just go over to your friendly neighbourhood newstand and pick up a copy of the newspaper. preferably the chinese papers, if you can read chinese.

anyway, back to "the scholar".

there is one segment in the show where the board of admission staff, who are judging the students, pick 3 of the most outstanding students to go for an academics-based quiz. on the particular episode i watched, the topic was "biology".

brilliant. my territory. bwahahaha.

during the quiz, they were asked some pretty "easy" questions...stuff like "which system do the small and large intestines belong to?" and "which of these is the outermost layer of skin - endodermis, epidermis or dermis?".

i was perplexed. are they for real? the show is, after all, done with the objective of looking for a student who will receive a full freaking scholarship to any university in the whole of the united states of america! they could choose to go to the most expensive of ivy league universities and enroll in a really really expensive course like medicine (if they gain admission)! for free! and they're being asked ridiculously easy questions like that?!

o_O"

then, i realised something: those candidates are 16-yr-olds who have only just gotten their high school diplomas. they are not 21-yr-old first year medical students like me. you can rightly demand an answer like "gastrointestinal system" to the first question from me, but you cannot possibly expect a form 5 student to do the same (the accepted answer was "digestive system", btw).

it just made me realise that there will be times when i will expect my cousins or juniors or whatnot to know things that seem very easy to me, but are actually very new to them. i probably made that mistake last year when i was teaching in my secondary school - my students had never heard of stable and unstable elements before i stepped into the classroom; i had been dealing with more complex equations for the entire duration of college.

all too often we hear of senior staff berating their younger colleagues for being "stupid" or "dumb" because the new kids didn't know how to do so-called simple stuff like use the company word processor or follow the right protocol to do things. medical students probably dread the day they start out as housemen who might be publicly humiliated in the hospital for not knowing the correct procedures or for being clumsy around equipment.

i am determined not to become someone who forgets that i too was once blur and not confident because i simply did not have the knowledge and experience. i really hope that i will be able to catch myself whenever i am tempted to get annoyed by someone's difficulty in understanding what i want to explain.

it might be very very easy to assume that someone's knowledge is on par with yours and expect them to behave as such, but let's never forget that everyone starts out somewhere - usually at a blur, ignorant place - and that all of us were/are at that place at one time or another in our lives.

mercy would have been greatly appreciated then. so why wouldn't others appreciate mercy from us too?

lishun at 2:41 PM

Thursday, June 22, 2006

lishun gets a root canal - pt.1

once upon a time, there was a girl named lishun who was very afraid of dentists.

she visited her family dentist once every 5 years and, in between, would try her best to keep her teeth in the best condition possible in order to avoid having to see him again.

however, as fate would have it, one of her molars broke and, after getting very cranky and annoyed about having a hole for a tooth, she decided to take teddy geiger's advice and "muster every ounce of confidence (she) has" to go pay a visit to the masked person with the license to drill.

she was very proud of the fact that she could climb up all the steps to reach the dentist's office without feeling faint and, after explaining her situation to the dentist in the best way a medical student should, sat down onto the reclining chair and opened her mouth wide.

while she was pondering the fact that people probably felt most threatened in a dentist's chair because being in a supine position, mouth open and with a person leaning over, probing the most delicate of mucosal layers, must definitely be the most submissive position anyone can ever be in, the dentist broke the bad bad news to her:

lishun's molar was dead and she needed a *gasp* root canal.

she was devastated of course. after all, everyone says that a root canal is the worst possible thing to ever happen to someone and is about as enjoyable as listening to paris hilton sing. she shuddered at the path that lay before her.

21! and she needs a freaking root canal!

the dentist tried to comfort lishun by explaining the first phase of the 3-step procedure (aha! behavioural skills!) and then proceeded to take out the tools necessary to remove all infected pulp from the root of the tooth - pulp that includes tonnes of nerves that are specially designed to sense...pain.

as lishun lay there, submitting to a drill that sent all sorts of weird tastes into her mouth, her life flashed before her eyes. she regretted the times when she was younger and didn't brush her teeth unless her mother laid out the toothbrush, toothpaste and rinsing mug (those big, red plastic ones) on the sink, ready for her when she woke up. she groaned at the times she snaffled the chocolates from the fridge and didn't rinse her mouth afterwards. she also sighed (silently, of course - the drill was still at work) when she remembered the full roll of dental floss that used to sit in her medicine cabinet until her mother decided to throw the never-used stuff out the window.

she was grateful for an understanding dentist though. everytime she winced in pain when a probe hit a particularly tender nerve, the dentist would stop, allow her to rinse her mouth, and inject more anaesthetic through a long, scary needle. judging by the numerous times lishun winced in pain, it's no wonder the entire root canal procedure costs a pocket-splitting RM400.

after what seemed like hours (when it was really just 30mins), the dentist declared most of the pulp gone and went on to stuff the now-empty crevices of lishun's molar's roots with little strips of paper dipped in antiseptic solution. a soft filling was then shaped into a somewhat tooth-like shape and it patched up the crack that caused lishun so much discomfort the day before.

she was relieved that the most painful part was over, but frowned in concern when the dentist informed her that there would be more drilling and digging during the second step. it turns out that while most of the nerves have been taken out, there may still be some remnants left in the root canals and those need to be removed before an inert filling may be inserted.

lishun didn't like the sound of that, but kept on a brave face and proceeded to make an appointment for the following tuesday, when she would undergo the second phase of the root canal.

she stepped out of the clinic feeling a little happier because she no longer had a hole for a tooth, but was crestfallen that she had a bad tooth that needed a RM400 therapy. well, on the bright side, it's supposed to last a lifetime - considering she doesn't break it again.

so, after calling her mother and giving her the news, lishun stepped into her car, revved up the engine, and headed off to university where she could hardly wait to tell her closer pals about the misadventure she had that morning.

---

moral of the story: paris hilton's singing really isn't that bad.

stay tuned for "lishun gets a root canal - pt.2"!

lishun at 11:55 PM

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!

*note: this is a whiny post. if you (a) don't like people who whine, or (b) intend to give me a lecture on gratitude and blessedness and coat my petty complaints with treacle, i suggest you click here and just buzz off.

i am cranky.

1/4 of a molar on my bottom right jaw is gone. i am left with a gaping hole for a tooth, multiple ulcers because of the sharp edges from the chip, and a bad mood because you can never underestimate the effect a freaking broken tooth can have on your day. plus my mother didn't book me an appointment with the dentist although that was the first bloody thing i requested she help me do because the tooth was driving me crazy from the very moment i reached imu.

i spent a total of 4 hours on the road today. 3 of those hours were spent hopelessly lost in kl while travelling to and from jinjang clinic. it took me an hour to get home from imu - 30mins just getting out of bukit jalil alone.

throughout the entire day i felt like slapping everyone in sight just because they looked irritating. i wanted to slam my hand down on my car horn and scream my head off in the car because there were freaking idiots turning 2-lane roads into 3-lane disasters and people who slotted into lanes without using their bloody indicator lights and simply because i felt like if i didn't do something, i will definitely turn my car wheel and run myself into the divider because that will at least put me out of my insignificant misery.

i still feel like screaming and shouting and throwing a tantrum and destroying all the furniture in my room. i just want to grab a pillow and whack it against the walls of my house until my arms are too tired to do it anymore. i can honestly say that if someone came to try and talk to me now, i will just clamp my jaw onto their arm and sink my teeth, broken or otherwise, into their flesh just to hear them yell in pain.

the only thing preventing me from releasing every bit of frustration, irritation and irrational anger from the freaking lousy day it's been is that stupid annoying thing people get when they grow up. i believe it's called maturity or self control or something along those absolutely rubbish lines.

aaaaaarrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

lishun at 7:48 PM

Monday, June 19, 2006

not-so-hallmark dad

when my grandmother was ill and the hostility within my family was at its worst, my aunts and uncles sat me down one afternoon and told me they have always tried to be extra nice to my sis and me because my father, despite almost single-handedly dragging the family out of poverty, hasn't been the best dad out there.

nevermind i knew that, at the time, they were merely trying to get me to "the other side", what they said still hit me right where it mattered.

i have to admit that as i was growing up, i often envied the kind of relationship my friends had with their fathers. one of my friends' dad cooked sunday dinner for the family and i imagined them sitting around the table, holding hands and saying grace before digging into a delicious meal he had prepared earlier. another schoolmate's father threw her a sweet sixteen birthday party and danced with her to roy orbison's "sixteen candles" that night, in front of all her friends.

i wasn't invited to that party but when i turned 16, in the usual no-fuss manner my family celebrates birthdays, i wished my dad were like her dad; the kind of father who would sing songs like "butterfly kisses" and be moved by the sight of his daughter blossoming into a young woman. i just wanted to have a hallmark/disney channel dad.

my father certainly didn't play the warm, fuzzy feeling kind of dad very well. instead of playing badminton or catch with me in the garden, he bought a house with a garden so i could play there with my friends. rather than admit he was wrong for losing my camera in china, he put a peach - a peace offering - on the table in the morning when i woke up and practically yelled at me for not using the other camera. he growls or grunts at my sister and me instead of talking to us and, when we were growing up, the most he ever said to us were words said in anger whenever we pissed him off.

but he made damn well sure that we grew up properly and would never be in want.

i used to worry that one day, when i grow up, i'll be one of those women who spend thousands of dollars a year to talk to a therapist about the void their fathers have left in my hearts. after all, he qualifies as an absentee father - a father who was never really involved physically or emotionally in my life.

however, i doubt there is a void, despite the fact that sometimes i still wish he were the kind of dad i can kiss good morning or give a hug to on his birthday, without feeling somewhat odd about it. he was never conspicuously there in my life, but he ensured that whatever hole he left in me was mended in many other ways.

that was probably why i found myself struggling through tears to defend my parents, especially my father, when my relatives were talking to me about his shortcomings last year.

it hurt to know that they were right when they said that he could have been more involved in my life or showed that he loves me in more explicit ways...but there was no real need for him to tuck me in at night or give me a pat on the back when i brought home a good report card.

there was never any doubt that he loves me and there still isn't any doubt about that today.

happy belated father's day, daddy.

lishun at 9:31 PM

Sunday, June 18, 2006

run fun with shun and jo

yes, i completed 10km again this year, shaving 10mins off last year's timing. whoopee!

i could not have possibly done it without God, because there is no way a ms.overweight-and-not-very-fit like me could have finished 10km without passing out on the way without some kind of divine intervention. there is also no way i could have finished the, erm, "race" (what race? at least five 21km runners finished ahead of me!) without my pal joanne by my side. she put up with my constant inability to keep running after the 5km mark and she just never stopped encouraging me to keep going. i'm really grateful for that!

well, it certainly is an accomplishment of some sort. we're now so psyched up about qualifying for the pacesetter's 10km run in september that we're making plans to go for that one too. hehe.

anyway, it was a good day. thanks joanne!

*note of vanity: i look awful in this pic! gah! gaaaaaaaaaaah!

lishun at 6:17 PM

Saturday, June 17, 2006

happiness is...

there are only a couple of things that make me really happy.

1. receiving a hand-written letter/postcard from a friend.

2. good conversation over good food and good drinks.

3. bak kut teh with my family.

4. wrestling with my dog.

5. curling up in bed with a good, absorbing novel.

6. knowing that someone i've helped is better off after i've helped them.

7. getting sudden realisations about how blessed i am.

8. seeing that cute guy turn back to smile at me, however perasan that is.

9. sinking my teeth into ice-cream.

10. watching orgasm-inducing football, like this:

that, ladies and gentlemen, is why i love football.

lishun at 9:51 AM

Friday, June 16, 2006

a quality meme pt.2

sometime in february, adeline tagged me with a meme and this was my reply. this morning, i woke up to find that yunshyuan has tagged me with the exact same meme.

although one of the rules says that "if you got tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again", a conversation with evelyn yesterday made me perhaps wanna narrow down the "criteria" i look for in a partner. which is hard, considering i haven't had a so-called "proper crush" on anyone - "proper" as in there should be some kind of possibility of the relationship actually becoming a reality - for a couple of years now.

there isn't really a deep psychological dr. phil reason for this. i just don't feel as if i have the energy to invest into something that may or may not happen, and also perhaps because after the last emotion-sapping crush i'm not willing to go through it all over again. and anyway there really isn't anyone who would do me a favour and make sure i don't have to go through it again by being interested in me first.

so yeah.

but ok...maybe i'll give a shot at this. i don't really write down precisely what i look for in a guy so the "list" probably changes all the time, but here goes.

Here are the rules:

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her lover

Has to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover

Tag eight other victims to join in this game and leave a comment on their blog

If you got tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again

Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT!

i don't like the word "perfect". no one's perfect. the only reason why, when you initially start seeing someone, he or she seems perfect because you choose to accept the imperfections and love them for who they are. initially.

then you get married and you start bickering over the smallest things. i should know. my sister's married.

anyhoo...

i'm straight and i have a celebrity crush on ewan mcgregor so i guess that means i like men. lol.

right. so here are the 8 qualities:

---

a couple of minutes later...

well i started typing out the 8 criteria, but i only managed 2 (sense of humour and chivalry). it just really isn't me to list down qualities and explain about them. maybe it's not only because of the reasons i stated above, but also because the criteria i'm looking for are not exactly qualities of personality per se, but more of things like he must have a firm belief in God, he has to be "decent" (dodgy word, but you know what it means), and he just has to have the same principles that i do.

it doesn't really matter if his jokes aren't that witty or if he forgets to hold the door for me sometimes...what matters is that when it comes to things like his attitude on life and his stand on the big things like faith and family, we don't differ in opinion.

of course it would be a bonus if he's at least 6 feet tall, loves dogs, has wit to match jerry seinfeld, and has the uncanny ability to read me like a book...but those are bonuses.

so no, i still can't come up with a list (sorry yunshyuan!) but i'm just glad that 4 months after adeline first tagged me, my non-existent list of 8 qualities is still the same. =)

lishun at 6:57 AM

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

bliss

the following is a picture of something that will be a daily occurrence for the next 20+ days:

it's a week late, but here goes...

welcome to the world cup! wheeeeeee!

lishun at 11:27 PM

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

numerical indication, passport, or a wrestle?

after a short jog around the park near my house recently, the swings nearest to the entrance of the park caught my eye. they were the swings my neighbour caroline and i used to dash to every time a heavy downpour ends because we would swing and run our feet through the puddles of water that would gather under them, pretending we were on water skis.

i sat onto the swings and started pumping my legs, urging myself forward faster and higher...definitely faster and higher than during those pre-teen days when my neighbours and i were still close and we found joy in what may now seem the silliest of thrills.

one of the swing's bolts was digging into my left thigh though, as i was pushing myself on the swings. it was a literally painful reminder that although i would love to go back to being 11 again, getting myself dirty splashing in puddle water, the growth i've been through over the last 10 years - both physically and emotionally - as well as external factors, like people's expectations of me, will prevent me from going anywhere but towards the future.

as i got off the swings, it occurred to me that all this reflecting on my childhood can only mean that i'm just not ready for adulthood yet.

that all happened a couple of weeks ago.

just two days ago, i had a little family gathering at my house just to celebrate my so-called "coming of age". what made me chuckle is that being 21 is little more than a license to vote and legally enter a casino, but people celebrate it like it is the most important birthday of their life, with a catered dinner and red-clothed tables.

but don't get me wrong - i had a fabulous albeit a little frustrating (from all the layaning i had to do as the "host") time.

anyway at the end of the night, i opened up the gifts my relatives have generously given me although my mother never explicitly mentioned that it was a gathering for my birthday, so people won't go through the stress of getting presents and angpaus. it didn't work. my guess is that the moment she put down the phone, they picked theirs up and dialed their closest kin to find out what the occassion really was. lol.

but i digress.

one of my aunts, as well as my two unmarried cousins (they're pretty handsome...any takers?), gave me the two biggest packages of the lot. my aunt and uncle gave me possible the cutest bag ever. i mean, it was a brown, soft, wooly(!) sling bag with a sheep on it. hehe. as for my cousins, they wrapped up a photo album with a soft cloth cover in the shape of a puppy.

i just had to smile when i saw their gifts. it was almost as if they were letting me know that it's perfectly alright for me to feel less of an adult and more of a child. however, i did suspect that it could mean i'm still "little shun" in their eyes and they would like to keep it that way because for every year i add to my age, they add one to theirs too. imposing agelessness on others, it can somehow guarantee their own agelessness as well.

anyway...i turn 21 today. i'm not very sure what to make out of it all, whether i see it as a numerical indication of adulthood, or a passport into a casino, or a time to start wrestling with my reluctance to grow up.

all i know is i am immensely blessed to have a large, raucous family and friends who will kidnap me to tgif or sms all the way from melbourne...and they're the ones who lessen the pain from the bolts that will continue to dig into me for the remainder of my journey through life.

lishun at 7:15 AM

Sunday, June 11, 2006

hairy revelation

i was getting my hair washed at a salon today when i thought about how a hairdresser is actually very much like a doctor.

a hairdresser's ultimate goal at the end of the day is to make sure his client feels better and has gotten a problem fixed. a hairdresser will have to stick his hands into a part of a stranger's anatomy in order to fulfill that objective. he will need to use tools that are capable of both fixing and causing great harm and, if not used properly, the client can actually end up feeling much much worse than when he first went to see the hairdresser.

also, a trainee hairdresser will practice first on models and dummies but will eventually have to try his hand on a real person who has the ability to feel pain, discomfort and, more often than not, is unafraid of making his displeasure known to you. he trains under a professional who will teach by demonstrating practical skills before allowing the trainee to practice.

there are hairdressers that are born with the passion and talent of styling hair. there are others who require more training and sometimes even prodding in order to perform well. some hairdressers are reluctant to pick up the scissors and are there just because it is a means of putting food on the table, or because they were pressured into taking up that profession.

finally, a hairdresser has to learn how to communicate with his clients and to adjust his style of communication to suit the client. he may have to engage in cheerful chatter with some customers while others prefer that he keep his mouth shut instead. he needs to know how to read their moods and listen carefully to their concerns. after all, everything he does to the client will inevitably affect their performance at work, relationships and even how they feel about themselves.

just as the trainee who washed my hair slapped some conditioner on my hopelessly unruly locks, i thought about how unwilling i would be to plunge my hands into hair that may or may not be washed for the last couple of days. having suffered from on-off dandruff for most of my life since adolescence, i grimaced at the thought of parting someone's hair for blow-drying, just to find out that i had been washing strands of hair held together by fungus-loosened scalp skin.

but then it occurred to me that that is precisely what i will be doing very very soon. i will be invading the crevices of the human body with my (usually gloved) hands...bodies of people that i don't know about other than whatever clerked information is available to me. they might not have had a bath for weeks, or be covered with severely infected wounds reeking of dead flesh, or they may have gross deformities that i cannot even begin to imagine.

i will have to talk to clients who will be different in every way and will have to read their faces, their bodies, their movements so i can decide what to do to relieve them of their discomfort and make them feel better not just physically but also emotionally.

people have often said that going to the hairdresser is as therapeutic as going to a professional psychiatrist. i remember reading a book where a mother would go get her hair washed every week because it was the only thing that kept her sane. i'm sure you would have also heard of people feeling like a new person after a haircut, or even purposely going to get their hair styled in a new manner just to get them on a good start to a new life.

it's amazing how this kind of physical acceptance - for both clinical practice and hairdressing involve touching and accepting what you touch - can change someone or at least alter a little part of their lives.

so two lessons here:

(a) i will need to be less squeamish fast if i know what's good for me,
and
(b) give your hairdresser the respect he or she is definitely due.

lishun at 4:18 PM

Thursday, June 08, 2006

you need a makeover

a couple of weeks ago, a "friend" (hmph, won't link you so you won't be embarrassed) leaned over from his seat and, out of the blue, told me that i should consider going for a makeover.

o_O"

i don't know about you, but saying something like that to someone who has never had a real problem with the way she looks until she went over to a red dot and had pretty insensitive people tell her things like "you're a very nice person...if only you were slimmer" or "you're actually not bad looking, especially if you straighten your hair" and now "you should go for a makeover"...it's sorta rude.

so while initially i wrote a whole long post about my hair and why i will neither be as svelte as my peers nor sport curves like other girls of my height and build, i realise that there is really no need for me to justify why i'm happy with the way i look to anyone.

as corny as it is, friends are meant to like you the way you are and your special partner is also supposed to love you - sans makeup, pushup bra, fake lashes or styled hair. if you can't even be naturally yourself around the people you care about in your life, who else will accept you without the mask you wear every day?

that's why, "friend", i'm telling you now that i don't need a makeover thankyouverymuch. no one had a problem with how i looked when i was an obese kid, no one had a problem with the way i carried myself when i had cropped hair and no one has ever said anything about how i've made their lives worse by looking the way i do at the moment.

so why should i start growing a low self-esteem now?

---

"i praise You because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." - psalm 139:14

lishun at 6:24 AM

Monday, June 05, 2006

a brief blog break

*note: no, i do not think you're boring. i'm just gonna take a break from all forms of intelligent communication and immerse myself in all 22 episodes of "grey's anatomy" season 2 for the next couple of days. if you would like to read something for your daily fix of irony, check this out. hours of intelligent humour guaranteed. cheers!

lishun at 10:56 PM

Saturday, June 03, 2006

a proud moment

i don't remember when i first become interested in writing, but i sure remember the first time something i wrote was published. although it was published "only" on a web portal and my name wasn't anywhere in it (wrote it under a pseudonym), it was a proud moment nonetheless because it was the first time someone other than myself got to read something that came out of the elusive creative corners of my mind.

the web portal was xfresh, the same xfresh i proceeded to write 10 articles for, 4 years after i contributed my first. it was 2002, i won a contest to watch the world cup finals at the astro headquarters and, after an eventful night that resulted in me winning a mini football (that still lies uninflated in one of my drawers) and finding myself stranded at kl sentral at 11pm with no money for a cab, i decided to write an account of my whole experience with the xfresh crew.

anyway, since it's the world cup season (one week to go! woot!), it's only appropriate that i show off what my 17-yr-old self wrote about the day ronaldo shone and oliver kahn was beaten for the first time in the entire tournament.

enjoy!

p/s: i cannot believe i thought klose was cute. bleurgh.
this is klose.

aargh what on earth was i thinking?!

this time round, if i'm gonna be drooling at anyone at all, it'd be this guy.

raul who?

lishun at 6:09 PM

Friday, June 02, 2006

whoopee do

i so so badly want to blog, but i'm suffering from a creativity dry spell.

i just cannot think of anything interesting to blog about...although i could very well tell you the 5 reasons why i suspect i'm still a tomboy (you'd think i'd get the hint from the fact that i'm an ardent fan of "american chopper") or let you know how the imucampus forum dinner went, or even do one of my compulsory pre-exam shallow posts or whatever...

...but noooooooooo. my mind is blank. a4 paper blank. and yet i'm desperate to write something, anything, to get my mind off parasites and statistics and names of drugs i will have to prescribe one fine day. aargh.

i couldn't even help think of a bloody theme for the national health sciences debate this afternoon! gah!

this kinda sucks.

lishun at 10:34 PM