lishun's musings

Sunday, December 31, 2006

the compulsory new year's eve post

it's the end of 2006, so i shall mechanically do what other bloggers do and go through a rundown of what's happened over the last 365 days.

it's actually just an excuse for me to read up old entries and reminisce a little. heh.

.
.
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*after a very long deleted post*

this has been a very very good year for me. at the beginning of the year, ps tim challenged the church to look for open doors and take full advantage of them. i can't say i've really done that, but i can say that everything that's happened has encouraged me to stop thinking so much and just take every opportunity that presents itself to me, whether or not i am confident of being able to claim it as mine.

despite the deterioration in my grades at uni, my first bout with unrequited feelings in goodness knows how long, the many instances where i know i've let people down (i'm sorry - there's no excuse for how irresponsible i've been) and the bitter lessons i've had to learn but did not share with anyone...it's really been a good year.

perhaps the biggest thing to happen to me this year is the gradual building and moulding of what i want my future to be like. i now know my ultimate goal, what i need to do to achieve it, the weaknesses i need to eliminate to reach it and the people i have to learn from in order to make my dreams a reality. it is incredibly daunting and the procrastinator in me, the one responsible for my irresponsible behaviour, isn't making it any easier.

i'm looking forward to the next year. it means leaving a whole lot of things behind and saying goodbye to friends who have been instrumental in 2006, but it's a new season of independence from the old and a renewed dependence on God.

i'll leave you with some of my favourite entries of the year. it's not so much blowing my own horn as it is to share what i feel were key moments and thoughts throughout my journey in 2006.

that was a very corny sentence.

anyway.

the book, not the movie - "brokeback mountain", possibly the most heart-wrenching novel i've ever read.
"nice" and "nice-r" - most amusing conversation of the year.
secret divine secrets - my fave bits from "the divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood"
a question of faith - with pride in the heart, there is no room for faith. or is there?
fat facts - this one is to blow my own horn. i just like the organisation. lol.
the knots are tied - my fave shallow post, evah! am totally against lusting after married men though. even guys with girlfriends are off limits to me.
home - i haven't taken a walk around my neighbourhood in a while. sigh.
5 reasons i should stay off the pseudo pitch - i love futsal. the 2007 imucup gold is OURS!
lishun gets a root canal, pts 1, 2&3 - one good thing about this was getting plugged by vincent. haha.
in the company of winners - i wouldn't want to lose the vice-presidency to anyone else.
summarising mt.k - climbing mt. kinabalu and living to tell the tale.
every 6 months - ...i take the train down to singapore. i can't wait to go again!
signs you're getting older #256 - the many things one learns from "one tree hill". haha.
digital memories - m206 orientation - some of the best pictures i've taken. love 'em!
deja vu all over again - yes, i am aware of the redundancy. that's the point. my england is powderful, ok?
the one that got away - no regrets, just daydreams. =)
how have you changed? - an appropriate post to end the year.

happy new year and have a blessed 2007, everyone!

now, can someone tell me the best spot to watch fireworks from all 5 new year celebration venues?

lishun at 10:55 AM

Friday, December 29, 2006

somethin' amusin'

something funny (to me, anyway) happened a couple of days ago.

some friends and i met up for supper at a mamak known for its absolutely delicious naan. one guy we were waiting for was running late and i had classes the next day, so i got up to leave.

just as i was leaving, the guy we were waiting for showed up, with 3 other people. they were all schoolmates i haven't seen since goodness knows when, but it was impossible to not recognise them. since i had to go, all we managed to do was exchange some pleasantries and wish each other good night.

one of them is a smoker, and he brought out a cigarette to light. at exactly that moment, i turned to him and said something. he immediately took the cigarette out of his mouth and hid it behind his back, as if he were a child trying to conceal something bad he had done.

it's been 4 years since i was the head prefect. as much as it was my duty then to keep things in order at school, it certainly isn't my place now to judge people's behaviour based on their habits. it was surprising that i elicited such a response from my former schoolmate eventhough we're now out of high school and the old boundaries or whatever no longer apply.

i just think that was kind of amusing.

lishun at 7:16 PM

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

optimism

a secondary schoolmate of mine, lisa, got married over the weekend. when the news of her engagement first shook my little world of secondary school friends a year ago, some of us were forced to take another look at our futures and the choices we make that will eventually lead us to the person we will spend the rest of our lives with.

most of us, however, were more preoccupied with how young they are. lisa's my age and her husband is just a couple of years older. i have no idea how long they were in a steady relationship, but we were obsessed with the fact that she's only 21. way too young, some of us mumbled, who knows what they're doing?

but today, when i was in the middle of (yet again) expressing my disbelief that a girl i went to school with is now betrothed to someone, chuen said, "there are only two reasons why people don't get married: they're either not sure if their partner is 'the one' or they can't afford to get married. clem and lisa are sure, and they have the means to support themselves. so age isn't an issue, really."

she made it sound so simple.

of course it isn't exactly that simple, but what if it is far easier than what alot of us make it to be? it's horrible that i judged them so fast based on their age when age has nothing to do with it at all. the only points worth considering is their committment to one another and to God.

i just feel like the world can't be as sad and miserable as it seems (earthquakes, floods and eos, anyone?) if it's still possible for two people to fall in love and make a promise to live out their lives together.

it's enough to turn a cynic into mush.

lishun at 10:12 PM

Monday, December 25, 2006

text messages are evil

lishun: happy pagan winter solstice fest! nah, kidding. have a blessed christmas! =)

linda: have a merry christmas! =) we could still go dance under the moon though...=)

may ee: it's still early, but i'll take it. =) u have a great christmas too! you'll never walk alone! haha...
(trust a liverpool fan to keep wanting to "convert" me)

thinesh: hey, don't kid...i'm on the way to the forest to offer the spirits and stars my devotion...haha, a blessed christmas to you too.

darren: merry christmas! but just because it's holiday doesn't mean you can enjoy. must study.

steph: merry christmas! =) dun study today haha.

-_-"

*after a quick look at the countdown*

my panic mode usually kicks in at the 14-day mark.

i think i should take darren's advice and study before going out to dance under the moon later tonight.

lishun at 10:19 AM

Sunday, December 24, 2006

christmas is

christmas has never really been my favourite time of the year, for several reasons.

first of all, my family doesn't celebrate christmas. i'm the only christian in my family, so we usually spend christmas day celebrating my parents' wedding anniversary (38 years and going strong, yo!). there really isn't any kind of christmas spirit in my house, unless you count the wine at dinner.

secondly, family feuds usually pop up during christmas. last christmas ~~i gave you my heart~~ err we had a christmas dinner where my sister made mashed potatoes and my mother made gravy. problem was, my mother put the potatoes in to cook with the gravy, and that caused a huge hoohah because my sister was upset that the potatoes were pretty much ruined. that led to an argument that escalated to screams and tears...it wasn't pretty.

i am also a perfectionist who hates shopping. christmas means christmas shoppinng. it also means i need to get the perfect gift for everyone, which means i will have to search high and low for it, which means alot of time spent shopping. and i hate shopping. don't get me wrong, i like nothing more than making people happy. i just can't enjoy christmas shopping!

lastly, christmas is not exactly my favourite holiday because it marks the start of the last week of the year. resolutions reflections mushy mushy time. gah. bye bye to the last 365 days. not a very happy occassion, imho.

but it's just impossible to be miserable during christmas, although the occurrence of suicides peaks during the holiday season. how can anyone be sad, when christmas is about celebrating the gift of life, of a second chance, that God has given to us?

i find it odd that although christmas carols are played and sung all over the world now, not many see the truth in the music.

o holy night, the stars are brightly shining
it is the night of the dear Saviour's birth
long lay the world in sin and error pining
til He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth
fall on your knees! o hear the angel's voices!

in all our trials born to be our friend
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger
behold your King! before Him lowly bend!

truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
chains He shall break for the slave is our brother
and in His name all oppression shall cease
sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we
with all our hearts we praise His holy name
Christ is the Lord! then ever, ever praise we!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

all the present-buying, the wishes of "merry christmas", the turkey and stuffing...it means absolutely nothing if we don't know that the love and giving of christmas started because God gave us His son, who was sacrificed 30 years after His birth on christmas day, because God loves us to the extent of being willing to do whatever it takes to get us to return to Him.

i hope that this christmas, whether you are a christian or not, do ponder over the real meaning of christmas. we love each other because God loved us first. we give gifts to our loved ones because He gave Jesus Christ to us, whom He loves. that's what christmas is.

a very blessed christmas, everyone! =)

lishun at 3:10 PM

Saturday, December 23, 2006

selfish?

i love my family very very much, but i just somehow can't talk to them.

in the last week, a couple of people have talked to me a little about things they were going through. one of them told me that he asked for his brother's advice about relationships. another recounted a conversation she had with her mother about female hygiene. they could just talk to their siblings and their parents openly about anything they wanted to, and their family would respond with wisdom and support.

i envy that.

don't get me wrong. my parents are very open-minded for a couple of people who grew up in the 1950s. my mother tells me stories about the silly things she used to do when she was younger and my father would rather i be happy than have a successful, stable job that i loathe. they're not the kind of parents who forget what it's like to be young and stupid and hence come across as tight-arsed adults who have never had a day of fun in their lives.

they've often told my sister and i that it's okay to talk to them about anything we wanted to talk about. my sister took them up on that offer; they probably know more about her office politics than they know about the people i hang out with in imu.

i just find it hard to share my trivial problems and worries with the two people i adored as a kid, feared as a teenager, and respect now as adults who have the kind of life experiences i should learn from. it's so ridiculous to burden them with the little struggles i face each day. yet, i can't help but feel i'm just being really mean by pushing away the people that love me most.

in my second year of college, i went through a tough patch where i had to confront my demons of low self-esteem, warped body image and my stubborn way of wanting to deal with everything all on my own. i kept it up for a couple of weeks before breaking down, telling a teacher and calling my mother. as a result, my mother didn't sleep for 2 days, worrying about how i was coping and whether or not i was getting any help from my teachers.

although telling my parents helped a whole lot, i felt guilty for ages afterwards for putting my mother through all that worry and those sleepless nights. what kind of child would let their mother suffer like that? over something stupid too?

i would much rather have a communication-less but unspoken love-filled relationship with my family if it means keeping them out of the trivial worries of my life. or am i actually being selfish by doing that?

lishun at 5:07 PM

Thursday, December 21, 2006

short musing

i realised something today.

i have this ability to see things in a way that has rendered me unable to get involved in any fling-ish fun feelgood short term relationship whatsoever, hence sealing my fate as a doomed-to-be-single-for-a-long-long-time girl.

i loathed that ability of mine but, through a series of events that happened today, i've realised that it's the very thing that's saved me from heartbreak more than once.

for that, i thank God.

lishun at 10:27 PM

Monday, December 18, 2006

whine session #37

make yourself available, lishun. that was the message of the week.

but how on earth can i make myself available to others' needs when i also want to get some badly-needed sleep, study, do a pinch of leisure reading, enjoy christmas, spend time with friends that will be leaving soon...all at the same time?

where's time for meeeeeee?!

good grief i am going to make a really lousy doctor who cares more for herself than her patients.

lishun at 10:24 PM

Saturday, December 16, 2006

it's hard

it's hard to study in the library when it's devoid of stressed-out sem5s who burst into 10-min-long stretches of noise every 2 hours or so. they were all out celebrating stephanie's bday yesterday. i don't think i managed 5 lectures without them around. haha.

---

it's hard not to get excited about worshipping God when there's this many people there at one venue at one time.

i just wonder how many of them took home the real message of God instead of just getting caught up in the music, lights and jumping around.

---

it's hard to be content with being single when i go to a jazz bar featuring a male singer with a gorgeous voice, belting out the most romantic tunes. true, i was there for a night out with the girls, but when the music started playing, i just felt like leaning back into someone's arms and maybe doing a bit of a dance right there next to the bar.

i could never understand how people can listen to jazz and not want to get out of their seats and move to the music. you can never just watch jazz. you have to feel it. crazy people passively sitting down with drinks in their hands.

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it's hard to not shake off that tired feeling when you've got the joy of the Lord in your heart. i found it easy to have a great time yesterday despite the silence in the library (!), my head thumping with every beat of the drum at planetshakers and wishing i weren't with "just the girls" at alexis last night.

it was amazing how that cranky feeling went away gradually throughout the day.

lishun at 11:53 AM

Friday, December 15, 2006

fatigue

it's not the stress - the stress has been there for ages. i anticipated it. i was prepared for it. so, it's not the stress.

it's not the activities - i planned this weekend. i want to go for each event. i made sure i would be able to complete what i needed to do so that i won't go for each one grudgingly.

it's not the people - the people i will be spending time with are people i want to spend time with.

it's not the lack of sleep - i make sure i get at least 5 hours a day. it's true that my sleep has recently been disturbed by dreams that leave me strangely tired in the mornings, but i do sleep. my eyes get their rest every day.

so what on earth is causing this acute onset of fatigue?

i woke up today feeling like crap, with no motivation to cover the lectures i need to cover before going for planetshakers tonight. i don't even feel like going anymore - just the thought of loud music and crowds is sending my head into a spin.

it dismays me that i am dreading tonight, that right now the only thing keeping me from telling my friends that i don't want to go is because i invited two of them and i promised to chauffeur some people there. it's out of duty, obligation, and that really really really sucks.

i dunno. i'm beat.

lishun at 8:36 AM

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

how have you changed?

earlier this year, my discipler, sharon, sat us down and asked us how we wanted to grow in 2006. i wrote that i wanted to be challenged to do more things.

at the time, my idea of "challenged to do more things" was along the lines of getting involved in more church activities or playing a bigger part in cf. i joined the ushering team, sent people to and from church, and did "more things". pretty good, no?

then, at cf, the theme for this year was "repent, revive and restore". the original idea was for a revival at cf, for rekindling of the spirit to serve God even in university and not shove Him into the category of "weekend activities". for that to happen, we felt we had to repent and be humble before God. my idea of repenting at the time was acknowledging the things i was doing wrong and feeling genuinely sorry for them before asking God for forgiveness. sounds good, no?

but that wasn't what God had in mind.

as it turns out, i was challenged to not just love people i found "difficult" or make myself more available to doing things that would require some kind of sacrifice...i was challenged to do whatever i could in the best of my limited abilities and then recognise exactly how limited they are, how there are things that can only be done by the grace of God, how foolish it would be to think otherwise.

what i had to repent was not for things like choosing a friend's bday party over saturday night service, lying to my parents about where i was going, or gossiping. i had to repent for being so proud that i thought i didn't need God and need not pay Him anything but lip service.

two posts ago, i included a quote that said: "we need to come before God with alot more respect and, yes, some fear and trembling. we miss so much of what He wants to teach us because we approach Him as if we were just buddies."

of the four quotes on that post, that one caught me in my tracks. i have been far too casual about my relationship with God, thinking that it was built by how much stuff i'm doing, how loud i sing during praise&worship, how well i ushered people through the church doors. even if i were involved in every single christmas activity my church has organised, it would mean nothing to God because my heart was in the wrong place; it was up on the pedestal that should be reserved for Him only.

i was losing out on the valuable lessons to be learnt because i had such narrow vision that i couldn't see how small i am and how big God is.

---

this morning, the domestic help (whom i am very grateful for), sheepishly came up to me and confessed that she ruined a top i just bought on sunday and had only worn once. i was understandably upset, so much so that i refused to listen to her profuse apologies and ate my breakfast in silence.

while she stepped cautiously around my fuming self as she went about doing her chores, i found myself praying, "Lord, please give me the grace to forgive her. i am unable to do so by myself, but with Your grace, Lord, i will forgive her."

i can have a horrible temper if i want to (my friends and ex-roomies can testify to that) and i was certainly upset enough to blow up at her. however, somehow i managed to explain to her in a calm voice that i forgive her because i know she didn't mean to do it and she's sorry for it. i didn't hide the fact that i was unhappy, but i let her know that i hold no grudge against her.

as i was driving, i thought back at the situation and realised exactly how unlike "me" that was. i would have normally been unreasonably worked up and move on to whinebitchmoan to any living thing in sight but, really by God's grace (there's no other reason for it), i handled it all without bursting a vein.

---

it's the end of the year now, and we had the annual "reflection and thanksgiving" edition of cf today. we were each handed a card with three questions on it. one of the questions was: "how have you changed this semester?"

the lesson might have come a little late but i knew exactly what to share.

lishun at 10:48 PM

Monday, December 11, 2006

i should get paid for this

*note: this is an advertorial. it was in no way voluntary, and i expect some kind of payment after this. thank you.

---

who knew that this guy, whom i wrote about here, and who finds stuff like this and this amusing, could be one half of the duo that finished second in the 5th annual imu national health sciences debate 2006, and freaking emerge overall second in the speakers' tab?!

good grief.

anyhoo...

congratulations prasad and hai liang, for being the first imu team in nhsd history to make it to the final, finish ahead of uitm1, and emerge from all the debate drama still looking very sexy indeed.

oh and girls, if you need their private contact numbers so you can...

(a) shower them with praise
(b) request to give prasad's head a rub
(c) stalk them and send them flowers, chocolates and decapitated teddy bear heads

...feel free to leave a comment (yes it's a sneaky way of whoring for comments, shh!).

lishun at 10:53 PM

Sunday, December 10, 2006

a couple of things

i had a pretty tiring week. i spent a total of 300mins a day on the road from monday to wednesday and thought i'd try and be a hero and study in the library each day after a morning of clerking patients at the relatively quiet orang asli hospital in gombak. hah. very funny. probably slept a total of 300mins a day in the library as well throughout those three days.

anyway, there were a couple of things that popped right out at me last week, that have prompted me to change a few aspects of my life. it'd take far too long for me to give an elaboration on how each one has made an impact in me this week, and hopefully for the rest of my life, but i hope that when you read them, you'll take something away from them too.

anon: "bringing your dreams to His throne and ASKING in FAITH, however BIG these dreams are, is the best guide."

adeline: "to really know God is to know Him based on personal experience not what we hear or even read about."

beck: "would that be something i would do if God were sitting next to me? would that be a conversation i would have if God were right there with me?"

dr. stevens: "we need to come before God with alot more respect and, yes, some fear and trembling. we miss so much of what He wants to teach us because we approach Him as if we were just buddies."

if i have ever taken lightly the other so-called "wake up calls" that i have received in the past, if i have ever belittled the power of God, if i have let pride stay in my life...

...then it will happen no more.

lishun at 5:56 PM

Saturday, December 09, 2006

little things

it's 2am and i just got home.

i drove at 120kmph on the highway on the way back.

as i walked through my living room, i saw a mug of barley water on the table waiting for me.

---
you know you're loved when you break curfew, make your parents worried, risk your own life while driving in a reckless manner, and you come home to find that your mother left something there for you to consume in case you were hungry.

it's always the little things that make you feel most guilty.

i need to sulk myself to sleep now. night.

lishun at 2:04 AM

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

photographs

they were taking photographs in the library today.

---

as a general rule, i hate posing for photographs. it has somewhat to do with me being hopelessly unphotogenic, but also because i see the futility of snapping images of ourselves at our happiest moments.

it is pointless to try and take away a fragment of a time in your life when you thought everything was going to be alright, as if a picture would serve as a source of optimism for the rest of your long, hard life.

last chinese new year, my aunt decided to get a portrait of the chua family professionally taken. we dressed our best, grinned our wisest, and ended up with several framed photographs to hang above our pianos and place on the side tables of our respective living rooms.

that may, my grandmother was diagnosed with gastric cancer and she passed away 4 months later.

the family portrait might have been able to catch my grandmother in time, preserving her image for generations to come. i can point the faces out to my children in the future while telling them stories of when i grew up with the people that i love the most. i can reminisce and be filled with fond memories of the past.

but i will always end up wishing i never grew up, never left those happier times, never lost the kind of happiness i felt at the time the photograph was taken.

---

they will have those digital memories to look back on in the future. it's a wonderful thing, really: 2MB of smiles - a sure recipe to brighten up our lives and make us remember the past. however, they are but empty representatives of that time, surface reminders of feelings that are best left behind, futile attempts at preserving a life and a dream at a point when we thought they deserved to be kept.

the value of photographs is lost the moment they are taken. there's nothing as genuine as the moment before. whatever feelings those pictures will evoke are never the same as the ones felt right before the flash went off.

they're just another lie we add into the world we think we know.

lishun at 5:25 PM

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

not brave enough, pt 2

i'm still not brave enough. and i'm paying for it.

yes, i'm whiny. yes, i'm a coward. yes, i totally deserve it.

i don't need a troll for this post. i can be my own troll.

oh.

you might think you know what i mean. you might be smug, thinking, hey i'm one of the select few lishun chose to divulge information about "it" in. but no, it's not just about that. i'm not as shallow as that, even if i think myself exasperatingly stupid sometimes.

there are some circumstances where you have no choice but to step up. for example, i have difficulty being shameless. i care about what people think, and for that some people have been frustrated by how sensitive i can be. however, i was recently thrust into a position where i have no other option other than to be shameless and call up huge companies to ask them for money/merchandise. so that's the end of that.

there are much more situations where the choice to walk away or take up the challenge is available. i talk about having no regrets and sticking to a decision once i've made one, but it's hard not to be even a *little* wistful at the times when i chose to be a coward and let go.

never underestimate the crushing power of "whatifs".

i am not looking forward to december, because it means having to depend more and more on God and, unfortunately, it's still not easy for me. i'm not looking forward to january, because it means having to say goodbye. i am not anticipating february, because it means i have to deal with a difficult situation that i have been avoiding for the last year. i do not wish for march to come, because it marks yet another beginning, another season.

i am not ready and i am still alone in my quest to reach my dreams, now that i know what they are. the support is great, and i know i will never be in want for love but i need someone to pace me in this race, and i hate myself for being so discontent in a land of plenty. so angry at wanting more than what i already have.

it's so ridiculous and illogical that it makes me cry.

lishun at 10:47 PM

Sunday, December 03, 2006

noodle-ish update

...and so gi is over. the eos looms. ticktockticktock.

i have been careful about the stuff i'm eating lately, mainly because i am not exercising and will most prob not be exercising much till eos is over. despite the fact that exercise gives me the kind of energy boost that nothing else can (other than chocolate perhaps), it doesn't really register in my mind that that means i should devote *some* time to my running shoes and not think of that hour i spend in the park as an hour that could have covered the lecture notes on pathophysiology of emphysema.

anyway, i've been watching what i eat. but this girl still needs her red meat, sandwiched between two sesame buns and topped with onions, pickles (yum) and some nutritionally useless iceberg lettuce. so last week i popped by an old haunt, mcds, and grabbed myself a quarter pounder with cheese. but only because i couldn't get myself a mushroom swiss thanks to the closure of my li'l town's burger king.

didn't matter anyway. cow meat rocks. mmmmmmmmmmm...!

well, there's just 5 weeks till eos (ticktockticktock) but i felt like i deserved a bit of a break. bugged a couple of friends, but in the end it was just charlene and i on the lrt to dataran merdeka to watch the international buskers' festival grand parade last night (sorry mei!).

it was hot, crowded, and i got nothing but a whole bunch of really lousy pics that will require tonnes of photoshopping that cannot be done anytime soon cuz i have bloody eos (ticktockticktock) ahead of me...

*deep breath*

...but it was still pretty good. charlene got to see kl in a different light, and i got to put my camera to work again. bumped into a friend's brother, as well as the office boy from my secondary school (who wants a chinese gf; char and i backed away slooowly). he made a comment that made me feel like i should be pondering more upon it and maybe come up with a vincent-esque blog post about malaysia or something: "event macam ni biasanya takde orang cina datang."

hmm. maybe if i weren't so swamped with medical theory.

after the buskers' parade i went out for supper and had cheese naan. bloody naan kept me awake all night, so i thought, ok might as well watch the manutd boro game. just as i was falling asleep, stupid morrison just had to score an equaliser so i had to delay my going to bed. crap. nvm at least manutd won.

today, after ~~being very sleepy at~~ church, i went to help out with the cookies&cakes baking session for the santa jerome orphanage. they made the baked goodies that will be on sale during the christmas food fair in imu next wednesday.

we had tonnes of fun licking shortbread mix off our fingers and putting sugar hearts on the cookies. which taste fabulous, by the way. only we know why.

alrighty. rotations at gombak tomorrow. wish me luck!

lishun at 7:51 PM

Saturday, December 02, 2006

special offer you can't refuse

it happened once, and it wasn't pleasant.

it took me 3 years to finally open up the door a little and give myself allowance to maybe try again.

but guess what? the exact same, freaking thing happened. again. and it still isn't pleasant.

yes, i know that life can be frustratingly ironic sometimes. when i think about it, i marvel at how ridiculously similar the circumstances of both situations are. i mean, this kind of clever planning to put together the most bizarre of incidents can only be done by the one and only original creator of dark humour, God.

i'm angry, irritated and slightly amused at all of this. i can't stop thinking about how incredible it is. as if the first time wasn't enough, God had to throw in a "get deja vu, now free with every purchase of irony!" to grab my attention.

well, He's got it alright. but just this time, i don't find His brand of humour funny at all. in fact, it hurts as bad as it did the first time.

damnit.

lishun at 1:00 AM