lishun's musings

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

potentially silent reunions

i met up with alot of friends over the last month or so. it was the december holidays and, although i had my finals to study for, i can never resist a good old reunion.

during the mamak sessions, one question that continually bugged me was when we all start working and really going into the careers we have each chosen for ourselves, will we still have common topics to talk about? most of us are still doing the "lectures-and-assignments" routine now, but the bulk of us will be out in the working world by the end of the year.

what will we talk about then?

there's only so much reminiscing we can do, there's only that much bitching about work we can entertain each other with. when the words dry out, will past bonds of friendship, that stretch as far as into the days of primary school, suffice to keep us together?

my parents have organised reunions for their senior middle three (form 3) class for over 20 years. when they get together, they have tonnes to talk about. they update each other on their lives, on the lives of other mutual friends, any news of their teachers (one teacher has been regularly attending the reunions - he's 80+ now), and speak proudly of their children.

out of the 15 people or so that show up each year, my parents can only call maybe 5 of them their close friends - people whom they keep in touch with throughout the year and visit during chinese new year. the rest are "just" old classmates they see during the reunions or send greeting cards to. nothing more.

yet those reunions, held twice a year, go on for more than two hours at a time and are always filled with laughter and gossip. i should know - i have been attending them since i was born.

i wonder if my friends and i will be able to have 2-hr long conversations over a round table with a pink tablecloth in 20 years' time.

i may have to rethink categorising those who mostly only reminisce about the past during reunions as people who have trouble moving on. perhaps there's really more to it than the futile grasping of whatever we have left of our memories in school.

lishun at 7:18 AM

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

it is time...

...for me to go there.

two more days. i can't wait! =)

see you on monday.

lishun at 10:26 PM

Sunday, January 28, 2007

that ol' feeling

you know guys like that. they're on television, romantic comedies, novels with titles like "letters from heaven" or something equally corny. in those, they have names like lucas scott, max evans, or something equally unremarkable.

they're smart, caring, sensitive, artistic, chivalrous, sweet, loving, totally hot and too good to be true.

only problem is, there really are people like that. after all, movies, books and novels model their characters on actual personalities and situations. the problem with them being real is everyone's a sucker for guys like that. everyone, including yours truly.

it is really easy to get perasan around these guys. they're just so nice. however, every girl should understand that if someone who isn't nice all the time expresses his interest by being particularly nice, then someone who is nice all the time would express his interest by being particularly nice-r by a million times in comparison to how he treats everyone else.

so it should be much easier to differentiate between the normal niceness and the added extra punch of niceness, no? i mean, i'm intelligent and mature enough to tell the difference, no?

apparently not.

lishun at 5:10 PM

Saturday, January 27, 2007

la la la no point

i had a bit of an argument with a friend in the library a couple of months ago about how we should go about with relationships. we actually raised our voices. i never saw him that...passionate about proving his point before.

he felt that it's better to go with the flow, see how things go, let it be, et cetera et cetera, because learning from mistakes is the best way to grow.

i felt that it's better to have some sort of direction, commitment, even right from the start, because learning from others' mistakes makes much more sense.

last night, the topic was brought up again with a different friend. he felt that being aimless may have its fun and being serious from the start has its good points too, but somewhere along the way, people get bored, tired and that's why it's better to take the middle road.

somewhere along my ranting, i realised that while i am all for a "friendsfirstnoplayingaround" kind of thing, i'm not exactly engaging enough for people to stay interested long enough to like who i am. which basically means i'm shooting myself in the foot. explains the 22 years of singledom, no?

anyway, this post has no real point.

pointless rant.

rant rant rant.

lishun at 3:42 PM

Friday, January 26, 2007

phone-y fancies #2

question: what do you do when you get your car scratched by a girl who was obviously in the wrong but you had no energy to argue with her in the middle of a traffic jam on the federal highway because it's gonna be your word against hers and vice versa and you were on your way to have icecream with your aunt and cousin?

answer: post pics taken by your trusty k750i. again.

here we go!

charmaine's daughter, hannah, chomping down on some raw maggi mee.
she is officially the most adorable little girl in the world evah!

the swen bomb sleeping.
guest appearance by dawg.

the infectious diseases ward at the jheoa hospital, gombak. love the lighting.

i forgot this baby's name. he had multiple congenital disorders,
a permanent frown on his face, and the most lovable countenance.
his parents weren't with him when i was there. being orang asli, it was difficult tracking the nomads down. i heard his parents eventually joined him a couple of days after my group left.

jeremy cheah decorated this cookie. it was delicious. haha.

waiming, chunpeng & kennfoong playing, God forbid, DOTA in the library!

jo the pomelo monkey.

chow chow's superman tie. love it.

dawg on books. the case files series rocks, btw.

the story of this christmas pudding can be a blog post of its own.
so i will blog about it...next entry. promise.

greg lyons + a lychee martini + one slice of fruit trifle + a large candle = bliss!

i love volkswagen vans. love. this one brought images of scooby and shaggy conversing in ~~spanish~~ portugese while playing street football in the alleys of brazil.

this kid looks rather bewildered. cute, but bewildered.

the first person to guess what this is will be entitled to a free mango special at murni's.*
*terms and conditions apply. see comments.

---

cheerio!

lishun at 5:25 PM

Thursday, January 25, 2007

phone-y fancies #1

question: what do you do when you have lots of stuff to blog about, lots of work to do but not much time to do anything at all?

answer: post up pics taken by your trusty k750i.

enjoy!

i was driving down the federal highway one morning and caught sight of the low-lying clouds around menara telekom. i am a hazard to road-users everywhere. haha.

joey. pharmer. dancer. irritating-er. i'll miss her. =)
p/s: was that a good asyraf impersonation?

i got her name right this time! haha.

i live to embarrass my friends.

how could anyone not love a face like this?

me, flo & jo. we pwned 8.4km at the wangsa maju run and have medals to boot!

i just liked how the people looked.

the mother of all debates: thani's arm vs prasad's reason.

for more than a month, i spent 14 hours a day in here. gawd. i'm such a loser.

this, ladies and gents, is why handphones are banned from exam halls.

pat & i just happened to show up for lectures in similar shirts. haha.

shy shy shanny

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that's all for today, folks!

lishun at 7:09 PM

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

after all this time

even after so long, it still hurts to talk about it. i guess it's because it's my fault and the perfectionist i am finds it so so hard to leave it all behind.

i have forgiven myself. i also do not have any regrets. but it's something that people won't stop asking about and it's something my parents won't stop explaining to people who won't stop asking.

thank God for friends who understand when i say, "it's a long story".

it is a long story. don't push me to tell it.

---

anyway, i've been busy with my electives. it's not as if i have alot to do, it's just that office work, even if it's helping to save the world in a teensy weensy way, is extremely irritating and leaves me drained despite me sitting on my butt all day.

sigh.

oh, and to the 5 people who read this blog regularly: i'll be baach. soon-ish. ciao.

lishun at 9:11 PM

Friday, January 19, 2007

je veux aider à peuple

"why do you want to be a doctor?"
"because i want to help people."

i believe i am part of the apathetic generation that will cause the downfall of this world.

but if there's one thing i know for sure, it is that i want to help people.

so, i will.

i'll tell you about it when i get back.

---

does this mean i'm not apathetic?

lishun at 8:06 AM

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

off my chest

i don't understand why people over the age of 14 still insist on writing friendster profiles that LoOk liKe tHiS or LiK3 tHi$ or write blogz lyk dis.

i know i'm not a very good example myself, considering i don't use uppercase letters when i type and i start sentences with "and" and "but". however, i do my best to correct my grammar and spelling before hitting the "publish post" button, and it irritates the hell out of me that many people out there don't.

just needed to get that off my chest.

lishun at 7:06 AM

Monday, January 15, 2007

no apology

while vincent blogged about people apologising too much, i have a peeve with people who don't apologise at all. especially people called...oh, my father.

he lost the camera i took important photos with. what did he do? he scolded me for not using the other camera. no apology.

he turned the computer off while i left it on to download some stuff. what did he do? he said he doesn't know what the heck i do with the computer anyway. no apology.

those are really small things that i can forgive him for. those are ridiculous things that i have pretty much caused as well. but he didn't freaking apologise!

and i hate that.

i've forgiven my father. those things aren't worth dwelling on anyway.

but it doesn't change the fact that i dislike people who don't admit their mistakes. it has nothing to do with whether or not he's older than me, or that he's my father, or some person of authority. he was wrong and he never even said the words "i'm sorry". nothing at all.

i love my father because he's a great father in terms of fulfilling his duties as one, but he's not a person i would ever be friends with.

lishun at 10:30 AM

Sunday, January 14, 2007

apathy and ignorance

i am part of the apathetic generation that will cause the downfall of this world.

i am not interested enough about the affairs of the world to find out why my leaders are making the decisions that they do and what the implication of those decisions will be.

i am not interested enough about how people outside of my town, state, country and continent live to want to know about their struggles, their loves and their hopes.

i am not bothered about economic recessions, wars, social problems and the need for God in the lives of people i don't know, as long as it doesn't affect me.

i don't know and i don't care...not enough anyway.

but i know it's going to cost me one day.

it will cost me BIG.

lishun at 2:58 PM

Friday, January 12, 2007

things to do

considering i spent the time after exams yesterday running errands at the bank, sleeping at home, praying at church and then watching the "project runway" marathon on discovery travel and living, i should plan out my holidays so i don't spend each day like a loser. let's start with a list of things to do.

immediate action:
1. file my notes
2. tidy up my room
3. spring-clean my wardrobe
4. clean my car
5. get a haircut

semi-urgent:
1. think of story ideas and do some writing
2. do research on crest so i won't be a blur sotong when i go for electives
3. draw out a plan of action for acquiring RM50,000 in sponsorship for charity run (gah!)
4. get my ass off the chair and run 3km every other day
5. go for saturday street feeding at petaling street

in the hazy future:
1. go to singapore, visit museums, see scholars, tjc pals, and classmates
2. do a touristy tour of kl and take tonnes of pics
3. visit another local destination
4. service up my old bike and go cycling
5. watch house season 3

that's a good start, i think?

anyway, going off to camp tomorrow and sunday. see you back here on monday!

lishun at 5:35 PM

Thursday, January 11, 2007

it is finished

...eos, that is.

whee!

lishun at 3:18 PM

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

sold

a girl friend once said, "a cute guy is like a 50% (off) zara top, hard to find, but once spotted u just can`t ignore it. other girls would want it too."

it would be more appropriate to substitute "cute guy" with "good man", because good-lookers are a dime a plenty, but decent guys who love their families, have a strong faith in God and are adorable to boot are pretty rare, no?

well, someone made the purchase. i hope she wears it well.

hehe.

lishun at 3:16 PM

Monday, January 08, 2007

gravity

"i'll never know what makes this man
with all the love that his heart can stand
dream of ways to throw it all away"
- gravity, by john mayer

i know i'm in the midst of my exams and i am stressed as anyone could be, but i can't help but blog about this song because i love it so much.

the first time i heard it was on an episode of "house". it was the last song of the episode "cane and able" (#3-02) and the moment i heard it, i knew i just had to find it. i replayed the end of the show several times to get the lyrics right, then googled the lyrics to find out what the title of the song was.

"gravity", by john mayer. described as the most important song he has written, it is probably the best song i have ever heard. it's right up there with the other greats of the music world. the emotion is unmistakable, the honesty, the life in the words...it's magnetic.

i couldn't tear myself away from the song, and i still can't.

have a listen to the song and take a look at the lyrics. i have no clue as to what they really mean. all i know is this is one of the best songs ever.

lishun at 6:44 PM

Sunday, January 07, 2007

wrestlin'

"so jacob was left alone, and a Man wrestled with him till daybreak. when the Man saw that He could not overpower him, He touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the Man. then the Man said, 'let Me go, for it is daybreak.' but jacob replied, 'i will not let You go unless You bless me.' then He blessed him there."
- genesis 32:24-26, 29

first of all, i'm very thankful for being a sponsored student. my parents aren't exactly young and to embark on a journey in medicine at their expense would mean taking a huge huge chunk of the money they've saved for their retirement fund, selling whatever little property they've set aside for my sister and me, and leaving me with debts that i will have to bear for most of my life.

so it is with great caution, after all that has happened in the past, that i gave another thought to appealling for a chance to do my clinical years overseas instead of at imu seremban. it seems so greedy, so ungrateful, to ask for more when i already have so much to be thankful for...doesn't it?

when i first shared with charlene that i had no idea what i'm supposed to do about it, she said to me, "wrestle with God, like how jacob did. don't let go until He blesses you." i was flabbergasted. doesn't that seem terribly...proud? asking God to bless my ways and not have faith in His plans?

at the time, i felt it was wrong because i didn't even have a single inclination, despite the prayers, as to whether or not God intends for me to stay in malaysia or go overseas. preferably australia. because that was promised to me first, before i screwed it all up.

however, last week i found myself reading alot about abraham and isaac and jacob while i was doing my daily devotions.

i was struck by abraham's patience and faith in the promise of a son to be his heir. he waited 25 years for isaac, made mistakes along the way, God kept silent from him for 13 years because of hagar and ishmael; but he waited, and was rewarded.

and again, after the story of isaac, jacob and esau, came that passage about wrestling with God.

last night, the church brought up that passage, but not applying it to wrestling with God until He blesses us. it was more about making an effort to encounter God, not ceasing our prayers and praises until we experience God.

it was then that i realised that all the while, when i was praying and praying for God to reveal whether or not He wants me to stay close to my parents or experience a different culture, that He had already revealed what He intends for me to do.

i am going to struggle and i am going to wrestle and i am going to do everything i possibly can, because no matter what the outcome, the effort will result in a blessing from God. there is no indication at all as to whether or not my appeals will be successful, but the result of the appeals is not the main point - the process is.

at the moment, i am relatively calm about my finals, which commence tomorrow. i am done bargaining with God by saying, "if i get an A, i'll appeal. if i don't, i won't because there's no point anyway." i'm not going to do that anymore. i will appeal, regardless of how i do (as long as i don't fail la, of course!).

i will wrestle, and He will bless me...this i know because He said so.

lishun at 8:09 AM

Thursday, January 04, 2007

we interrupt

we interrupt your regular programming to bring you an "i am shallow" moment.

---

behold! josh hartnett!

he is the reason i love guys with small, deep, dark eyes. and dimples when they purse their lips. schmouldering.

*grwl*

alright. back to work, people.

lishun at 7:38 PM

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

people

there are people who put a greater value in material things than other stuff like principles and character.

there are also people who will continue arguing their point just to prove they're right, even if it has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

some people will go the opposite direction of what they know is the correct path as an act of defiance or spite.

others take things so personally that they find it hard to forgive someone after that someone has said something offensive that he or she can't even remember anyway.

there are people who always underestimate themselves but, in the process of trying to make up for their supposed lack of talent, end up improving eventhough they'll continue to simmer in low self-esteem.

besides that, you will meet people who are so pessimistic and cynical about life that they actually enjoy being pseudo-victims of the cruel cruel world and take pride in being able to "suffer" through it all.

some of them are aware of what they're doing. most of them aren't. it's not your job to judge them or dismiss them just because their views are not the same as yours. it's not your responsibility protect them from the inevitable consequences of their actions. you should not feel bad if they want to learn things the hard way.

but it doesn't mean you should stop looking out for them. after all, you care for them, don't you?

lishun at 8:21 PM

Monday, January 01, 2007

day 1 of 365 of 2007

"it's been a long december and there's a reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
i can't remember all the times i tried to tell myself
to hold onto these moments as they pass"
- long december, counting crows

december just flew past. it always flys past. somehow time seems to think it's necessary to accelerate as it approaches the end of the year, as if it has slowed down too much through the summer and has to make up for lost seconds, minutes, hours. i've never had a long december.

or maybe it's only the last 2 decembers that have gone by so fast thanks to the anxiety and anticipation of my exams. i don't know.

all i know is that this year i will lose the novelty of being a 21-year-old and move on to being the much older-sounding 22. not really looking forward to that. there's a chinese saying that girls are most attractive between 18-22. things aren't looking up, huh? lol.

anyway, let's take a look at the countdown...