Tuesday, February 26, 2008
an emo caption
i'm still in the process of editing my 333 photographs while getting ready to move over to seremban, so here's a caption contest to entertain you as you wait.
the author of the funniest caption, as determined by mua, will win an ice-blended coffee bean drink (because starbucks is evil). which means we'll have to meet up hor. haha.
oh yeah, this contest is only valid if there are 10 or more entries so get your friends to take part too. yes, this is shameless blogwhoring but who cares?!
max two entries per person. leave your email address so i can contact you if you win.
closing date: sunday, 2nd march 2008
you can also see the rest of the photos from my vacation in east malaysia on facebook. =)
lishun at 6:23 PM
Sunday, February 24, 2008
back, fat, and burnt
i'm back from "lishun & edwina's great east malaysia escapade"! hehe.after
yes, i have horrendous sunburns on both upper shoulders and the back of my thighs from a snorkeling overdose and i have yet to identify the offending local delicacy that has caused my guts to churn.
there will be photos, over 300 of 'em, in the coming days. but for now, i am gonna go nurse my damaged skin (oh why oh why didn't i put more sunblock?!) and work out a suitable diet/detox for the next week before i start clinical school.
turrah!
lishun at 4:41 PM
Sunday, February 17, 2008
an opened can of worms
there is something very wrong with the way we deal with relationships.we think that pain and drama and martyrdom are part and parcel of every relationship, as if those are necessary evils to be swept under the carpet and only brought out during bitching sessions with the girlfriends at the coffeeshop. we think that a family isn't complete without a tale of shame and regret. we think peace is impossible without hate simmering under the silence.
just a couple of days ago, i told a friend of mine that i would do anything to get out of here for a few months at least. it's not that i'm not happy here, it's just that i am starting to feel the effects of being here for too long, especially during this period when i should be learning to keep my mind open and my heart humble.
how can i do that here?
here, in this place where having an opinion and expressing it is a sin...how is it even possible for me to avoid the fate of my forefathers who were buried with years of regret because they knew no other way to live?
here, where a misplaced word can dig up a mountain of hatred and a realisation of one's own shortcomings brings about anger instead of humility...how can i learn to look at myself first before getting hurt at someone's insensitivity?
shame and honour? those are man-made treasures that are vanity. acknowledgment for one's work? empty needs that only serve as building blocks for a pedestal on which we place ourselves...a lesson that i need to learn as well.
i have to admit that i am naive to believe that family dynamics are simple. even if i view the world in black and white most of the time, it doesn't necessarily mean that others see things the same way.
conflicts are never solved through civil, discreet discussions with the person you have a problem with. regrets are never worked out by reason or spirit-led means. instead, they are stored, with no room for forgiveness and prayer. they are stuffed into a closet till it can hold no more...until a misplaced word or an expressed opinion throws the door wide open.
i don't blame the ones i love. they learnt to shout instead of talk. they learnt to be silent and harbour regrets. in the same way, i consciously try, usually unsuccessfully, to stop screaming when i have to defend myself. it is only recently that i have learnt to deal with conflicts in a fruitful manner and try to weed out what's relevant and what isn't in an argument. i have no regrets about my decisions, even if i do repent for some of them.
but there is something terribly wrong with the way we deal with relationships.
when we look to ourselves - our flawed selves - and to the equally flawed people around us, we lose focus on God and what He can do in the ties that bind us as family, blood or otherwise. we forget what forgiveness and grace can do for broken hearts and silent tears. we choose to ignore the power of His peace upon raging tempers under calm skin.
i know that this will blow over by the time i return from east malaysia next week. wounds reopened will be resealed by scar tissue formed from worldly reason and not by the fresh skin of God's touch. if i could regret one thing, that would be the very thing.
there are many things i am sorry for, but i do not apologise for choosing to break away from the curse that is the "traditional" way of dealing with relationships. it was not the best way for me to make my point, but how else could i have done it?
again, i do not blame anyone for the response elicited by my article. we reacted in the only way we know how - in rage, in anger, in shame.
but this just strengthens my convictions that this family needs God, so that it will no longer be the only way we know how. so that, for once, we'll be held responsible for our own reactions and see the plank in our own eyes before removing the splinter in our brother's.
lishun at 8:38 PM
can of worms
i guess there's a reason why they say to keep your thoughts to yourself.sigh.
i'm glad i won't be around next week.
lishun at 1:50 PM
Saturday, February 16, 2008
not just waiting
"now we see everything that's going wrong
with the world and those who lead it
we just feel like we don't have the means
to rise above and beat it.
it's hard to beat the system
when we're standing at a distance
so we keep on waiting on the world to change.
when you trust your television
what you get is what you got
but when they own the information
they can bend it all they want.
it's not that we don't care
we just know that the fight ain't fair
that's why we keep on waiting on the world to change.
one day our generation is going to rule the population
and we're still waiting on the world to change."
- from "waiting on the world to change" by john mayer
i will be voting for the first time during these general elections. to say i am excited would be a gross understatement. i have been waiting to vote for a really long time.
it's not so much the desire to make a change that is the driving factor behind this enthusiasm about voting. to be honest, the status quo is a whole lot more appealing than a potential repeat of the events of '69. i'm going to be in this country for quite awhile and i'd like some peace and quiet, thanks. besides, i am but one in 24 million malaysians - what on earth can my vote do?
of course, it is precisely that kind of mentality that causes most eligible voters to not exercise their right to decide who takes care of them. it is that fear of instability that causes people to stay close to the familiar instead of doing a little more research in order to choose the right person to stick up for them.
but as i was saying, it is not the belief that i can change my country if i show up and drop my ballot (marked with indelible ink) into transparent ballot boxes that makes me want to vote. it is the fact that people have died in the process of ensuring i get to do it in the very first place. this privilege we have, when we turn 21 and register as a voter at the friendly neighbourhood post office, was fought for. go read about the suffragettes, go find out how far we've come from the times when only noblemen could decide who gets to make the big decisions, then tell me that there's no point in making an effort to cast your vote.
who knows? in the process, you may even start to pay attention to the newspapers (there's more than one out there, y'know?) and become interested in knowing who the people who determine how well you live are...like i, the apathetic woman i am, surprisingly have.
my friend justin has, for some time now, put the following as his msn nickname - "better to light a candle than curse the darkness". better to use your privilege as a voter than wait for the world to change. the fight isn't fair - politics never is - but a fight is better than none at all.
if you're a registered voter, get out there on the 8th of march and cast your vote. you have 3 weeks to keep up with the papers, talk about it over teh tarik with your friends/relatives or blog about it and fish for comments. but whatever you do, whatever you believe the outcome of the elections will be, don't pass up this opportunity to have your say.
i'm not content with just waiting. i hope you aren't either.
lishun at 3:21 PM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
[insert valentine's day post title]
[insert emo poetry/song lyrics/bible verse]
[insert impressive interpretation of above piece of art]
[insert epiphany about love or lack thereof]
[insert valentine's day greeting]
lishun at 5:09 PM
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
silly things, better things
seeing the light - drawn on notes
silly things i've done:
pretended to like the music he likes (though sometimes they grow on me in the end)
"casually" delivered cake/cookies to him while blatantly ignoring his friends
studied in places i knew he would be so he'd have to come over and say hi
checked out his timetable so i can "accidentally" bump into him
didn't do my homework on purpose so we can copy other people's work together (haha)
sent unnecessary text messages and saved his replies
---
in all those instances, i've found myself having to lie. i had to deceive not just whoever it was i tried to get attention from, but i lied to myself and believed that God was fooled as well. i should have known then that it was a warning sign.
that's not what love is. love rejoices with the truth. when you find yourself covering your tracks, justifying your actions...that's when you know that you deserve better.
that's when i knew i deserved better. that's when i knew better things will come.
---
*edit: today, i was presented with yet another opportunity to do something silly. in the process of declining it, i lied. another piece of evidence that says "that's not love". i rest my case.
lishun at 4:16 PM
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
letters
there will come a time when you have to admit defeat and say that you've done what you can. the fact is that there is only so much our mortal hands can do, our limited words can say.we've been given what is enough, nothing more. once that is exhausted, you have permission to wash your hands and leave the rest to verbal letters you send to God on behalf of those who don't want to write their own. and after that, you need to step away and hope they'll find strength not in your flawed human self, but in the wholeness that is God.
the trick is knowing when that time is when it comes.
once, someone told me that she feels as if i'm the only person who wants her alive. those words weighed heavily on my shoulders. i looked at myself and my inadequacies and wanted to scream that my optimism and stubborn belief in her is not enough to keep her breathing. i can only offer so much. it's not wise to make me her life-support. i can only offer so much.
too many times, i have let myself become despaired by the belief that i am responsible for keeping people away from the edge, that i am to blame should they fall again. as if only i can save them. as if i am the one to save them.
but i'm not.
it is God who has salvation to offer, it is He who has the grace to lift you from where you fall. only He is mighty enough to save you and keep you alive. just as He is the one who gives me grace to walk with you, He is the one who will continue the journey with you when i can no longer follow.
fatigue can close one's eyes with slumber, but i sleep best resting in His assurance that He will show me when the time has come to release you into His hands.
till then, i'll write those letters for you while hoping, one day, you'll send your own to Him.
lishun at 9:09 PM
reason #2
why i try not to think about it - reason #2
there are too many unanswerable questions. how? when? most importantly, who? it stirs up impatience and casts doubt with each passing day. it makes you want to take matters into your own hands - read cleo, look up horoscopes, flirt, become anorexic, change into someone you're not. the "ladder" theory becomes your personal philosophy on relationships and you neatly categorise your friends according to their positions on your ladder, hence never looking at them in the same light ever again.
worst of all, you loathe God for not showing you a glimpse of the future. so why bother?
lishun at 10:28 AM
Monday, February 11, 2008
reason #1
why i try not to think about it - reason #1
having unrequited feelings for someone is probably the most sadistic thing you can do to yourself. it's the most time-wasting, heart-breaking, self-torturing thing to immerse yourself in. it inhibits your concentration, it's counter-productive. it reeks of dependence and weakness and low self-esteem. it leads you to believe that you're only complete with someone else. it leaves teardrop stains in your diary and on your new white shirt.
worst of all, no one gets hurt other than yourself. so why bother?
lishun at 12:53 PM
Sunday, February 10, 2008
too much credit
"maybe redemption has stories to tell
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
where can you run to escape from yourself?
where are you gonna go? salvation is here."
- from "dare you to move" by switchfoot
maybe it's the concert, maybe it's the black eyeliner i've been putting on every time i leave the house, but i've been emo-ing for the last couple of days, singing the bridge above under my breath.
where do i run to escape from myself? i run beneath the covers of others' miseries and pain, pretending that i'm being noble, believing that it's my responsibility to save them from drowning. as if a listening ear is a reliable band-aid. as if compassion is enough to draw them out of the water. as if i am a martyr for being empathetic. as if i can dole out redemption, forgiveness, salvation. as if i am the answer to the world's problems, even if i choose to ignore my own.
i give myself too much credit and give God not enough.
lishun at 10:34 AM
Saturday, February 09, 2008
randomly bored
the above comic reminds me of the medical students who are in med school solely because they did well in school and their parents thought that to be involved in any field other than the medical profession would be an insult to their kids' intelligence.
just a random thought. and a laugh.
lishun at 4:01 PM
Thursday, February 07, 2008
don't close your eyes - switchfoot kl
i'm not really sure how to write about a rock concert, considering this gig by switchfoot was my first one.do i write a brief history of the band? do i declare my undying love for jonathan foreman? do i pen a confession of the relatively short period of my career as a switchfoot fan? do i punctuate a review of the concert with words like "incredible", "amazing", "wicked", "fantastic" and "smashing"? do i post up the horribly grainy photos i took from my cameraphone because i, the good girl i am, took clause no.8 at the back of the ticket seriously?
oh heck i'll do all of the above. =P
it's hard to believe that switchfoot only broke into the mainstream market in 2003, with their 4th album, "the beautiful letdown". like many fans from this corner of the world, i was introduced to the band through that album and it quickly became a favourite of mine. i was heartbroken when a friend scratched my copy of the record, especially since it included an acoustic rendition of "only hope" and the hauntingly beautiful "you". i was just enamoured by the soul in jonathan foreman's voice and impressed with the life in the songs' lyrics.
(oh wow, i've already done 3 of the things on the list!)
i am not a big enough fan to have heard their first three indie albums and i don't fancy their two latest records, but i was excited enough at the news of their arrival in kl to seriously consider going for their concert all alone if there wasn't anyone to go with. thankfully, my pal june decided to join me.
see the window at top right? the band was hanging out there before they came on stage.
june and i were greeted by a super long line extending all the way to the traders hotel entrance. i was pleased that there would be a large crowd, although i later learned that only 2000 showed up for what was definitely one of the best rock concerts to ever happen on malaysian soil.
really long-but-wide line leading to the gate.
love me butch were awful. seriously. i guess the only reason they played was because one of the band members is part of onearmed, the company responsible for bringing switchfoot to our shores. for that reason, and that reason only, i will refrain from saying any more about them. thank God altered frequency displayed better showmanship, better music and carried better entertainment value.
i will not bore you with a detailed description of switchfoot's set that night. what i can tell you, however, is that their performance was jam-packed with energy from start to finish and the atmosphere in that convention hall was simply electric. the crowd was brilliant, singing every word to every song, responding to every prompt by frontman foreman. i have to say that i was proud of how we became part of the band's performance that night.
my favourite song of the night has got to be "gone", because the band incorporated beyonce's "crazy in love", which they did a hilarious cover of for a special yahoo! pepsi smash cover art program, into the intro and the instrumental bits in the middle of the song. jon also sang parts of radiohead's "high and dry" halfway through their rendition of "on fire". it was awesome.
there were some moments during the concert when i felt as if i were at a praise and worship session. although switchfoot has shrugged off the label of "christian rock band" so as to not limit their music to a particular group of people, the spirit in some of the songs was unmistakable. in the midst of the heavy electric guitar riffs and brilliant use of the electronic keyboard thingamajig were words and music that cut straight to the soul.
(i later realised the band cut "24" from its set in malaysia because of the song's obvious reference to the born-again experience. what a shame. it's my favourite track on "the beautiful letdown")
this photo's had its saturation tweaked - just for fun.
in the end, the winning factor was most definitely switchfoot's long experience with touring and performing live. they were simply incredible, amazing, wicked, fantastic and they certainly gave me an absolutely smashing night.
my fave photo of the night.
here's to even more great rock acts performing in malaysia (not just singapore)!
lishun at 8:08 PM
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
flowers of manchester
it's been 50 years since the munich air disaster on 6th february 1958 that killed 8 of the busby babes from manchester united, along with 8 journalists (including frank swift, a former england goalie-turned-sportswriter), 3 staff members, 2 crew members and 2 other passengers.a quick calculation will tell you that it occurred long before i was born and even longer before i became a united fan, so i can't say that i am in any way affected by the tragedy. however, such an acute loss of life must have left a huge impact in the lives of the people who knew the 23 who died that day.
i don't have much to contribute to this topic, considering the fact that i only gained an interest in football when manchester united won their first league title in 26 years when i was 8. i guess the only loss i feel is knowing that no one will ever see how far the busby babes could have gone had they never gotten on that plane.
still, the incredible story of how sir matt busby survived to rebuild his team in 10 years is the stuff of legends and i have no doubt that the crash was a pivotal moment in the history of the club and its legacy has a part to play in where united is today.
if you've never heard of the fatal accident, there are tonnes of websites and articles that are easily accessible by the magic of the world wide web. however, the following song tells it best.
rest in peace, the flowers of manchester.
the last line-up of the busby babes:
edwards, colman, jones, morgans, charlton, viollet, taylor, foulkes, gregg, scanlon, byrne.
one cold and bitter thursday in munich, germany,
eight great football stalwarts conceded victory,
eight men will never play again who met destruction there,
the flowers of english football, the flowers of manchester.
matt busby's boys were flying, returning from belgrade,
this great united family, all masters of their trade,
the pilot of the aircraft, the skipper captain thain,
three times they tried to take off and twice turned back again.
the third time down the runaway disaster followed close,
there was slush upon that runaway and the aircraft never rose,
it ploughed into the marshy ground, it broke, it overturned,
and eight of the team were killed as the blazing wreckage burned.
roger byrne and tommy taylor who were capped for england's side,
and ireland's billy whelan and england's geoff bent died,
mark jones and eddie colman, and david pegg also,
they all lost their lives as it ploughed on through the snow.
big duncan he went too, with an injury to his brain,
and ireland's brave jack blanchflower will never play again,
the great matt busby lay there, the father of his team,
three long months passed by before he saw his team again.
the trainer, coach and secretary, and a member of the crew,
also eight sporting journalists who with united flew,
and one of them big swifty, who we will ne'er forget,
the finest english 'keeper that ever graced the net.
oh, england's finest football team its record truly great,
its proud successes mocked by a cruel turn of fate.
eight men will never play again, who met destruction there,
the flowers of english football, the flowers of manchester.
*for more information, visit:
manutd.com - feb 6th 1958 forever remembered
munich58 - munich remembered
wikipedia - manchester united f.c.
tribute on youtube - the flowers of manchester
lishun at 7:56 PM
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
tuesday plans
---
*WARNING: rant ahead!
i don't know why i bother. maybe i really should stop bothering.
i should just not bother to make dinner plans and send out invites. i should just not bother to ask around and look for reviews of good places to eat with menus within our student budgets. i should just not bother to think, "oh well since we've made time to see each other, we can change some details and still go out anyway." i should just not bother at all, especially not if it's going to be taken for granted.
it's alright, lishun will understand. it's okay to blow her off, lishun will forgive me.
of course i'll understand. of course i'll forgive you. life's too short for me to stay angry and get excessively irritated by an absolute lack of consideration for my feelings, complete ignorance towards the possibility that i have planned my day's activities around the pre-arranged plans, and the total absence of appreciation for the careful effort that i make in planning get-togethers just so the time we spend with each other won't be absolutely purposeless. life's too short, and i believe in love and forgiveness anyway.
besides, all that effectively happens is that i find myself with a sudden opening in my schedule, time for me to do whatever else i want or need to do.
but that doesn't mean i don't get irritated at all. everytime it happens, i ask myself, "really...why should i bother?" i guess that since it's being taken for granted anyway, that means i'm the only one who bothers. it probably means there's no point bothering; that in reality, no one cares.
maybe i just never got the memo.
or maybe it's because, praise God, there are some people worth making the effort for, and the few times that i am encouraged by their appreciation have filled me with enough optimism to keep going. it probably means i should also keep my eyes and ears open so i'm ready to thank those who put in the effort for me.
lishun at 10:27 AM
Monday, February 04, 2008
ErM...
no, i have not turned into someone that does tHiS. of course, i did go through one of those phases where my name became ShUni3z or LiShuNzZzZz but those days are looooooong gone.anyway.
thanks to pastor steven, i now have on my hands a 1979 nikon EM (geddit? ErM? geddit?).
it's a (almost) fully manual slr, down to the focusing and film rewinding. it's a whole new experience and very different from the gorgeous canggih stuff ben has so kindly taught me to use in the last couple of months, but i am actually up for the challenge. will probably spend tomorrow exploring the thing, especially since there's a roll of film in it...something i didn't realise until i found the, err, film winding lever (???) and discovered that it was what made the film move, hence allowing me to actually get the shutter working.
item no.5
wait. i just indirectly betrayed my pastor's age, didn't i? oops. heh.
the point is, who knows? i may just end up enamoured by the nikon EM's charm. it was, after all, designed with female beginner photographers in mind and i am, in every definition of the phrase, a female beginner photographer.
for now, i am going to amuse myself with the pictures in the online manual. they're quite funny in a quaint sort of way, no? lol.
toodles!
lishun at 10:48 PM
Sunday, February 03, 2008
from Him
i'm in a relatively good place.my father's on a plane home tonight and my mother's tangible happiness is contagious. my best friend's back for a couple of weeks and i just went for a smashing concert with her last night. i'm having dinner with 4 of my (many) favourite people on tuesday and 20+ of my beloved relatives on wednesday. my great east malaysia getaway commences in 2 weeks and i could not ask for better company to go with. it's been a less-than-fruitful month but i'm savouring every moment because things can only get tougher from here.
but yeah, i'm in a relatively good place. i won't be able to empathise properly with your woes, as much as i try. i have nothing but good things to say. i hope my optimism will only grow and spill over to anyone who has everything but hope.
yet, i cried like a baby when i heard this song. it was a love song to my heart, not from justin timberlake - as much as i would like that to be the case, haha - but from the One who has relinquished my doubts time and time again, who has put me to shame over and over again for being too proud to humble myself at His majesty.
i can never be reminded too many times that as "big" as my problems are, His love is greater, He is bigger. it's something i wish i can describe sufficiently in words, but i am not enough of a poet to communicate the beauty of what He means to me. and still, He surprises me with indications of who i am to Him.
"there's no doubt that I still love you"
anyway, i hope you enjoy the song. =)
---
when the ground beneath you starts a-shakin'
and you forget the place we came from
when you're lost and looking for your way home
your way home to me
i'll come out and find you
when the world around you starts a-movin'
and you should wonder if i still love you
if you feel the darkness coming, rising inside
i'll make a light to guide you back home
when your doubts have got you thinking
nothing's ever really sacred
and you're afraid you might believe it
believe in me and i'll give you a reason
'cause the world around us keeps on moving
and there's no doubt that i still love you
so when you feel the darkness coming, rising inside
i'll make a light to guide you back home
and after all the sky has fallen down
and after all the water's washed away
my love's the only promise that remains
lishun at 10:25 PM
Friday, February 01, 2008
secara rawak
it was obvious because you asked her to burn your cds when anyone else could have done it for you. it was obvious because you used people as an excuse to hide the fact that the person you wanted to see was her, and her only. it was obvious because you kept the empty wrapper of the chocolates she gave you for your birthday for months afterwards.subtlety? there was never any subtlety.
---
the house is mine, ours, at last. after an eternity (3 weeks) of disappointments, broken promises, negotiations, frustration, irritation and alot of self-control. pen's been put to paper, money's been handed over, and i will not be sleeping on the streets of seremban come march.
what can i say, other than many many many praises to God? He told me not to worry, He kept me calm (for most of the time) and He provided. i'm exhausted, but thrilled that the formalities are over and done with.
---
when only selangor or only kl is on holiday, do not leave the house or even attempt to make your way down the highways. just don't do it. unless you wanna risk getting caught in crazily insanely ridiculous traffic. at all times of the day. urgh.
---
why is it so hard to buy presents for members of the male community (i can't use species because technically we're all Homo sapiens)? why? why can't they be happy with flowers and candy and teddy bears? why must they like shoes and gadgets and leather products? and they say women are high-maintenance?!
?!?!?!
---
my father's gonna be home soon. which means i need to do some serious tidying up or risk getting my head blown off. gah.
---
i'm knackered. going off for a nap.
lishun at 4:27 PM
About Me
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