Thursday, March 15, 2007

a rude awakening

his weight had dropped drastically over the last couple of months. try as he might, he just couldn't ignore the fact that he was literally wasting away. the results of his blood test were ready last week and the doctor gave him the bad news: his liver function was totally shot.

he didn't really understand the extent of the damage but as he sat wondering how bad his condition was, he saw the doctor quietly leave the room and gather his children around.

he knew his days were numbered.

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my father's cousin, the first child from his generation, was diagnosed with liver cancer last week. the prognosis is bad, as it often is with hepatic carcinoma, and my uncle has just 3-6 months left to spend with his family.

my father was, and still is, very close to him. it is no surprise then that my parents were visibly shaken as they broke the news to my sister and me this morning.

i guess the shock of it all is only overshadowed by the fact that my parents have been given a rude awakening about their own mortality.

my father has decided to (finally!) retire so that he could have time for himself. my mother's been spoiling me like never before, even going to the extent of sending breakfast up to me in the morning. it's so out of character for them that i am starting to worry if they're hiding a terrible secret about their health from me.

the fact that my parents are thinking about their own aging bodies and remaining time on earth totally freaks me out because it forces me to think about their mortality as well. it reminds me that the only thing we can be certain of about life is that it will end one day...and what happens then?

i'm not talking about the afterlife. i'm talking about what happens to a family when there's a death. how will my parents deal with my uncle's death? will i be able to keep myself together when the time comes to say goodbye to the people i love? i was semi-prepared when my grandmother died, but even then i still sometimes get a wave of disbelief when i think about how she's no longer here.

the impending loss of my parents one day is extremely overwhelming. when i thought about it as i drove to class this morning, i could not prevent the sorrow from washing over me.

you know it's time to grow up when your parents start thinking about their mortality. it's a rude awakening and an unpleasant reminder, but it's a fact of life. grow up. your parents need you more than you think they do.

lishun at 8:57 PM

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