Friday, July 04, 2008

guilty slumber

sleep is almost a reward to be earned these days. i need to study this much before i can sleep. i have to complete this many reports before i am allowed to rest my head. failure to do so would mean i don't deserve any sleep at all, hence it is right for me to feel guilty every time i turn out the lights and close my eyes.

i woke up feeling like i hadn't slept a wink despite the fact that i had earned every minute of rest last night. sure, i went to watch a movie, but i came home and typed a report. i went to bed at a very healthy (in context to medical students anyway) 1230am and woke up at my usual 630am. i made breakfast, was ready for class by 7 and was feeling alright despite the strong urge to just crawl back into bed.

but i was a zombie with a headache for most of the day. i thought my lecturer was talking about hiatus hernias when he was discussing a patient with an inguinal hernia. i had no interest in the other patients i had to clerk. i left for the library at 1030am, fell asleep on the couch there till 1130am, had 2 paracetamol with my lunch, slept for 2 hours in the lounge, went for lectures, fell asleep halfway through, miraculously woke up and stayed awake during an additional class, came home, dozed off for another hour, turned down an offer to go out for dinner and here i am.

my stuff is still unpacked eventhough i'm going home tomorrow morning. all i wanna do is sleep, really.

i am reminded of the time i struggled to stay awake during a teaching session and the doctor stopped, turned to me, and asked me if i suffered from excessive daytime sleepiness. she put forward a series of questions to determine if i had sleep apnoea and asked me to look up the details on the disorder.

maybe i do need to join a sleep study or something. i dunno. whatever it is, i don't think coffee's going to help and the repeated bouts of guilt that hit me each time i wake up from my little napping episodes are making my life rather miserable.

lishun at 8:10 PM