Sunday, August 19, 2007

than i thought

it's harder than i thought it would be. it's everywhere i look, in everything i see. it's implied all the time, eventhough it's never mentioned explicitly. when i talk about it, i can feel my hands tremble. when it comes into my mind, my body shakes as i try my best to not let it take control of me. when i lie in my bed, i have to consciously block it out. it's ridiculous how i still manage to get into a position where i find myself right at the edge, about to fall in, without me realising it. it's as though it has a grip on my body, able to manipulate me against my will. i wake up right at the moment when i'm about to relent, just in time to stop-repent-pray. a constant struggle to not feed the temptation, to extinguish it instead. guard my eyes, my lips, my hands. it's an uphill climb, but i'm gaining momentum. it's a never-ending battle, but i can feel myself winning. not by myself, but with the holy spirit with me. it's still harder than i thought it would be, but i know it can only get easier now.

lishun at 5:28 PM