Tuesday, February 05, 2008

tuesday plans

dinner with 4 of my favourite people at vietnam kitchen, 1U.

dinner with 4 of my favourite people at vietnam kitchen, OUG.

dinner with 3 of my favourite people at vietnam kitchen, OUG, joined by one more later.

movie with 2 of my favourite people at 1U, then supper with one more later.

movie with 1 of my favourite people and possibly dinner/supper with one more later.

...and i wonder why i run out of prepaid credit so quickly. ish.


*WARNING: rant ahead!

i don't know why i bother. maybe i really should stop bothering.

i should just not bother to make dinner plans and send out invites. i should just not bother to ask around and look for reviews of good places to eat with menus within our student budgets. i should just not bother to think, "oh well since we've made time to see each other, we can change some details and still go out anyway." i should just not bother at all, especially not if it's going to be taken for granted.

it's alright, lishun will understand. it's okay to blow her off, lishun will forgive me.

of course i'll understand. of course i'll forgive you. life's too short for me to stay angry and get excessively irritated by an absolute lack of consideration for my feelings, complete ignorance towards the possibility that i have planned my day's activities around the pre-arranged plans, and the total absence of appreciation for the careful effort that i make in planning get-togethers just so the time we spend with each other won't be absolutely purposeless. life's too short, and i believe in love and forgiveness anyway.

besides, all that effectively happens is that i find myself with a sudden opening in my schedule, time for me to do whatever else i want or need to do.

but that doesn't mean i don't get irritated at all. everytime it happens, i ask myself, "really...why should i bother?" i guess that since it's being taken for granted anyway, that means i'm the only one who bothers. it probably means there's no point bothering; that in reality, no one cares.

maybe i just never got the memo.

or maybe it's because, praise God, there are some people worth making the effort for, and the few times that i am encouraged by their appreciation have filled me with enough optimism to keep going. it probably means i should also keep my eyes and ears open so i'm ready to thank those who put in the effort for me.

lishun at 10:27 AM