Wednesday, July 09, 2003

As and Bs and stupidity

i've just recovered from a great extended weekend and am now back to reality.

yes, the return of exam scripts. it's unavoidable, no matter how much fun i had over the weekend, no matter how much my feet hurt from all that walking, and no matter how much i overspent in just one week.

i'm talking about those dreaded exam papers, with your grades written on them in red. it's even worse for me because this is the first exam i'm taking in singapore, and already the prospects don't look good. and am i actually expecting to get a B average at the end of the year?

i've just got back my very first complete exam script. math. math should have been a breeze, considering the paper was peanuts compared to its predecessors. and when i say peanuts, i mean peanuts. but i'm weak in math, always have been really, don't gimmie that nonsense about me doing well in spm yada yada...secondary school math is absolutely nothing. people cry because they get 99% for math in form 5 for goodness sake.

anyway, as i was saying, the math paper was easy. and although i was aiming for a B before and even still after the paper, i was quietly praying that some miracle will happen and i'll get an A.

who was i kidding anyway? no one knows me better than myself. and true enough, that little voice spoke the truth and i've just gotten a big fat B for math. to make things worse, almost everyone else got an A, whether it was a scraped through A or a fantastic A, like li li's. choon han was telling me to stop going, "sigh. i'm so stupid." and to not become, quote, "a second li li", end quote. only in my case, there's proof of that stupidness while for li li, her claims are totally unfounded.

i really am starting to believe i'm stupid. i was secretly (well, not anymore anyway) hoping to get a final result of 2As 1B and an O, plus perhaps B4 for GP and A2 for malay. but now i'm looking more like 3Bs and an O.

i know i shouldn't be complaining, that there are less fortunate people than me, that there are people who are failing everything eventhough they study till 3 in the morning while slacker me can even hope to expect 3Bs, that there are people who can't afford school, people who are starving and kids with bloated bellies and skinny legs...blah blah. i know all that.

but i'm complaining. so shoot me.

sigh. those who know me would know that this is VERY much like me. i always get what i know i deserve to get, and i always know what i'm gonna get, but i whine before and after every exam anyway. and nothing's gonna change the way i am. all i can do now is study much harder, although i think if i do i'll positively burst...this is as hardworking as this slacker can get. all i can do now is analyse my mistakes and try not to do the same mistakes again. all i can do now i pray that God will somehow understand that a slacker like me can only study so much and that i did try...i really did.

and also, all i can do now is resist the temptation to whine even more about my progressively prominent stupidity and get back to work.

lishun at 7:42 PM

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