Thursday, February 03, 2005

february blues

it's february. which only means one thing: valentine's day is just around the corner.

okay, i am one of those people who frown upon st. valentine's day because i think it's waaaaaaaay too commercial. i think it's ridiculous that people fork out double for flowers which die the next day, or go to lengths to get reservations for a posh restaurant in town - only to be caught in a traffic jam with dozens of other people with the same idea in mind.

yes, i am one of the million single and doomed-to-be-spinster ala bridget jones girls who don't receive any store-bought cards or openly blooming (aka stale) roses that cost RM15 a stalk every year. i have spent the last two valentine's days busying myself with making "friendship day" gifts - a marketing gimmick courtesy of the students' council - for my also single hostel mates. we spent the nights admiring the esplanade's magnificent lights and enjoying the cool music-laced air...while pretending that the dozens of couples smooching right next to us don't bother us at all.

when anyone who is single tells you that he/she doesn't give a damn about valentine's day and spouts some cliche like "every day should be valentine's day", that is an absolute load of bull. of course they mind! of course i mind. not so much before, because i had tonnes of single friends to hang out with, but more now since my single friends are all out of the country and the only friends i have left here in my dear homeland have a special someone, or at least a special ex to moan about, to spend valentine's day with.

the commercialism, the television specials, even the rose petals on the cover of this month's readers' digest all serve as a reminder of my singledom.

not that i have nothing else better to do than to be upset about it.

in fact, for valentine's day this year, i have planned to make unbaked cookies for my students in school, as a cheap bribe for them to perhaps think before copying an answer like "bilangan elektron = -2" into their exercise books.

also, since v-day (yes, that was coined intentionally to sound like d-day) is a monday, i am going to allow myself to enjoy a hair spa, a manicure, a face mask and a nice dose of diabetes-inducing romantic comedies on the sunday prior to it. that way, i can feel "fresh, cool and confident" - like the catchphrase of a tacky line of beauty products - when i distribute little packages of goodies with tiny purple ribbons to my (hopefully also single) students.

yes, i am revelling in my lack of experience in terms of relationships with the opposite sex, choosing instead to focus on the little things in life, like how hyperactive i want my students to become; which should theoretically be directly proportional to the amount of sugar i put into my cookies.

however, there will always be that little "ouch" from within, a constant reminder that i am now 20, and am still "alone". it isn't desperation: honestly i think about everything my sis is going through with her husband and i am so grateful i am free from such committment. but it's still there. that pinch still exists.

i can whip up a batter of chocolate hearts to set in the freezer, but i sure hope my own will be thawed one day.

lishun at 9:49 AM

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