Friday, August 12, 2005

just listen and learn

lately i've become the unwilling target of an outpour of the unexpressed resentment, worries, good intentions and misconceptions of my relatives.

it hasn't been easy listening to people talk about their problems, especially since those problems involve the people i love and trust.

i hate this part of growing up, when people feel i'm old enough to know more about what lies beneath the surface of a tight, loving family. yeah sure, i'm old enough to understand and make my own judgements, but it doesn't mean i actually want to know.

most of the stuff involves old history dating back to when i was still preoccupied with finishing my bm karangan in time and being stressed over a monster of a physics teacher. it involves never-changing characters and traditional ideas, two things that have nothing to do with me.

i mean, i can understand why my loved ones want me to know more about the complex relationships in my family, but the thing is...it's their family. my family, as far as i'm concerned, consists of my grandmother, my parents, my sister and my dog.

whatever communication problems we have, we solve ourselves. whatever communication problems my relatives share should very well be solved within their own circle. yeah, it's related to me one way or another, but the connection is so far off...i can't do anything about it. it's not my place to say anything.

but yeah, i'll listen. i'll listen and learn about my family, about how it works and how it hasn't worked. it's a good lesson in human relationships, one i badly need in view of my desire to see things only on the surface. i just find that once things become complicated, the main point is lost among all the mess and in the end, everyone loses the plot. and i don't like that.

but i'll listen and learn. i'll be squirming in my seat and praying for a way out of every discussion while trying to maintain a genuine interest, but i'll be listening. and learning.

lishun at 11:45 PM

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