Wednesday, April 19, 2006

genuine help

"let me know if you need any help, ok?"

in the days gone by when i used to whine each and every day (a testimonial in friendster reads: "lishun whines. alot." gee thanks ya) one of my main complaints is that i end up with work that no one wants to help me with.

it's usually menial tasks, things that wouldn't take up anything more than 10-15mins per job; things that people find the most tedious because they're the little things no one wants to do. it's understandable then that i end up doing them because - here comes the self-psychoanalysing part - i picked up the annoying habit of wanting to please everyone from my mother.

it's alright when it's just one thing to do per week or every couple of days, but it's a different matter altogether when i find myself juggling 4 or 5 little tasks that need to be completed every single day. eventually those 10-15mins accumulate into several hours and at the end of the day, i've completed many pieces of unrelated things at the expense of the main things i've originally wanted to do.

i'm not sure what this is called. purposeful procrastination?

anyway, as i was saying, i usually complained about how no one is there to help me. what i forgot to include in my thoughts, though, is the many times when help was offered to me but i never said "yes".

there may be several reasons for this, but the main one would be that most of the time when people ask, "hey, do you need help?" they don't really mean it. they say it because they're being polite. they extend a helping hand because it's only nice to do so. but they don't really mean to help you. then, if you decide to take up the offer, their faces momentarily scrunch up into a look of displeasure before fading back to a plastic smile while they listen to whatever help you need.

don't ever deny that you've offered help that you never intended to give. don't lie and tell me that there haven't been times when you've felt your heart drop when people say they need your help. most of us have been raised to be nice, even if we're not feeling particularly nice.

in other words, i just don't want to ask for help or accept offers of help, only to be given a second-long sour look and have people roll their eyes or sigh audibly as they turn away.

maybe it's the kind of people i've known over the years that has made me feel this way. perhaps i'm just unfortunate to have encountered situations where i've ended up with half-hearted assistance - which is worse than no assistance, actually - whenever i put my trust in anyone.

things are starting to change though. i've met people who mean it when they say they want to help. there aren't many of them but there are some that i can and definitely do trust.

i haven't exactly taken up their many offers to help, but that's because i can get rather type A-ish sometimes and just want to get things done my way at my pace. it might stress me out and overwhelm me, but it's not because no one's extended a genuine helping hand. it's just because i'm being an ass.

it's a good thing college has taught me not to whine anymore, although i remember being a much happier person in school when i could have verbal diarrhea and whine freely about everything. still, it's a good thing because not whining and complaining has given me a chance to sit down and think about things properly instead of ranting away in every direction.

anyway, it's just nice to know that there are people whose "let me know if you need any help, ok"s are genuine offers that are always there to be redeemed.

lishun at 7:46 AM