Wednesday, June 09, 2004

letting go

there are just times when one just has to admit that it's time to let go. things are not the same anymore, and maybe they never were the way i always thought they were.

i've always had this idealised image of how you would be. and i hung on to it, because it was ideal. it was nice. and that was how i wanted it to be. how i wanted you to be. even when there were signs showing that i was wrong, i chose to ignore them. even when the voice inside me told me that you're not the perfect person i thought you were, i ignored it.

well, i heard it, and i guess i did learn to listen. i've been slowly loosening my grip on that ideal image for 2 years, but there was always that one strand that i could not bring myself to cut.

why? i think it's got to do with pride. i am a very proud person. it takes alot for me to admit i'm wrong. it takes alot for me to acknowledge that i don't know you as well as i think i do. i don't relate to you as much as i've always assumed.

and you don't trust me as much as i hope you do.

i'm not bitter. i hope i don't sound bitter. there's nothing wrong with you. i've just been...a bit lost. i was searching for the perfect person in you. someone that i can model myself around, someone i feel can fill in the gaps in my self.

maybe i was searching for a perfect...me.

anyway, the scissors are now in my hand, and i'm ready to snip that last thread. it's time for me to let go of the perfect you, and to fully accept the real you. and also to let go of that last bit of hope that you're as ideal as i pictured you to be.

i still think you're a great person. one of the few i've decided to "keep". but yeah...i've let go of the ideal you.

lishun at 12:24 AM

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