Monday, November 14, 2005

ooer...i'm second next!

as i've mentioned several times before, i'm the 4th granddaughter in my family.

out of the 9 grandchildren, there are 7 granddaughters in total: mann (my sis), yang, woei, shun (me), gaz, and xinn.

my sister got married earlier this year, and my cousin yang just got married yesterday. woei, 4 years my senior, has a steady boyfriend of a couple of years. gaz is only 16 and xinn has just finished her first year of primary school, so no one expects them to have boyfriends.

which leaves moi, 20 and single.

i have until 4 years after woei walks down the aisle, sorry, cheap red carpet of a chinese restaurant, to find my soul mate and marry him.

o_O

hey zach...no hurry, k? lol.

unfortunately though, people have been asking me about my relationship status since form 5. my mother has made it an annual event to ask me, "eh, don't be scared to tell me if you have a boyfriend ya?" i know my relatives are itching to ask me. they've resorted to casually slipping the question into conversations or getting their young kids to ask me. xinn and her brother hann have asked me on more than one occasion if i'm attached.

yeah, as if 7- or 8-year-olds regularly go up to their cousins and ask about their love lives.

in case you're wondering, i've never had a boyfriend.

i was 8 when i first had a crush on my classmate. i showed my feelings towards him by accidentally whacking a tennis ball on his head and then giving him a piece of chocolate afterwards to say i'm sorry. sweet, huh? nope, he didn't think so either.

then when i was 11, i was unfortunate enough to have a crush on a friend's brother. he knew, alright. and because he was a year older and therefore "cooler", he thought it'd be okay to tell all his friends that the awkward prefect in standard 4 liked him and they should laugh at her everytime she passes by.

in secondary school, i fell for a friend, hard, and it took 300km and 2 years to get over it.

and here i am, 20 and single.

i'm actually really lucky in the sense that i have yet to get into any "una and geoffrey alconbury" moments ("so you still haven't got a feller! what are we going to do with you?") and have no need to resort to anything like this.

however, thanks to the two weddings this year, i am bound to be under attack come chinese new year, otherwise known as the asian equivalent of new years' turkey curry buffet ala bridget jones.

there's just something about questions about one's inexistent love life that make it sound as if you're not normal when you're not attached. it's as if there's some club out there for every person who is/was married or is/has been in a relationship, and everyone over the age of 20 who doesn't have membership is just weird.

so now, on top of being too intimidating, unladylike and just downright ugly...i'm weird?

it's funny how people keep telling one another that it's okay to be single and that women don't need men to have confidence in themselves and you're better off with a dog than a boyfriend (unconditional love, undivided attention, no nagging or trying to change you, no heartbreak), when the messages they indirectly send mean otherwise.

it's no wonder single women everywhere feel every bit as insecure as bridget jones.

anyway, am just rambling. i'm not feeling "the pressure" anymore than i already do, and i don't believe that being in a relationship means my self-worth has increased, but am just thinking...we're all such hypocrites. even in little ways like this.

*note: i do wish i had flowers like these sent to me though. sigh.

lishun at 11:33 AM

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