Tuesday, December 06, 2005


we talked about worries today. we discussed our concerns about our exams, our futures, our plans...

i am most worried about my mother.

my mother is 62 and a diabetic. she is losing weight but refuses to go to the doctor. she has a daughter in medical school, but she's too stubborn to see a doctor and consider the option of taking insulin shots. too proud to be crippled by the need to inject herself.

her most faithful companion is my dog, may-may. my dog is now 9 years old. she has at most 6 years left in her.

the dependence of my mother for my dog's company worries me alot.

what's going to happen when my dog leaves us for the happy hunting grounds? my mother is going to lose the only member of my family who spends each day faithfully by her side.

will it make her even more stubborn? if complications occur, will the death of my dog make her lose her own will to live? how do i choose a new dog to take may-may's place? what if the new dog is too young or too stupid to be my mother's companion?

and if my father should one day find himself alone, how is he going to make it through life? he can hardly function normally when my mother goes for vacations. can he survive when my mother finally goes off for a permanent holiday?

i know these are all really morbid thoughts, but they are very very real.

no matter what the bible says, i cannot help but worry about my parents. there's no point in living day by day and not anticipating the future. how then can i be prepared?

for a life without my parents? or a life with invalid parents? how can i care for others if the people i love most aren't cared for?

how can i even have the ability to love if the only sources of love i know of now aren't going to be around for long?

lishun at 11:06 AM