Wednesday, March 15, 2006


you see, the plan is, i'm not supposed to "clash" with anyone. she will take one, he will take one, they will take one each and if i take one of the vacant spots, we can go sell ourselves as one unit and it will make everything so much easier. right? sounds great right?

but why should i be the one to give in and say, alright since you guys have already the parts that i want, i shall take whatever remains? it's like being the weakest of a caveman family - everyone else gets the choice cuts off a freshly-killed deer and i will be the one who has to eat the hooves because it'd be easier to discard of the bones without the extra weight of the hooves.

it's not exactly in my nature to fight for what i want. unfortunately i take after my mother, who is a people-pleaser through and through. if fighting means hurting people, making enemies and being caught in slander, i would much rather be comfortable with a position where i can watch the mayhem, but be left alone to carry out my responsibilities.

i'd make a lousy politician.

i have been lucky, then, to have never been in a position where i've had to fight for what i want. you see, i believe in working hard. if i get rewarded for my efforts, great. if i am denied any recognition, i know that God knows. so far, i've been fortunate to have been given some kind of acknowledgement for almost everything i've done. all based on the result, nothing else, just like how it should always be.

however, i guess this time it will be different. if i choose to take on the challenge, there will be two paths to pick from.

the walk in the park: take the hooves, be unsatisfied, but happy that the rest of the family is able to throw the bones away easily.

the not-so-easy path: fight for what i feel i should get, with no clue as to how it should be done, or whether it will be worth the risk at the end.

i'm still undecided.

lishun at 7:51 AM