Sunday, June 10, 2007

shut up

i'm reminded of the end scene in the music video for ronan keating's "when you say nothing at all", when this guy, who spent the entire video talking and promoting "notting hill", sat down next to a girl on a bench and she put her fingers over his lips and said, "ssh. you talk too much."

can someone do that for me please? give me an irritated look when i've ribbed you enough. give me a nudge when i say something i shouldn't have. throw me a stern glance if you think i'm talking too much. or just tell me to shut up. please.

i'm extremely pissed off that i'm talking so much and spouting so much nonsense, so much rubbish and carrying on the most meaningless conversations ever just to make up for the growing desire to isolate myself and be unreasonably moody in some corner somewhere.

what kind of coping mechanism is this? the do-exactly-the-opposite-of-what-you-feel-like-doing method? in that case, it should be renamed the be-a-moron-just-to-avoid-having-to-come-to-terms-with-things mechanism of coping.

but what am i supposed to be coming to terms with? my impending doom next friday? the fact that i'm feeling pressured to do things and feel things that i shouldn't be doing or feeling? pressured by what, anyway?

yesterday evening, i used an atm and walked away without taking the cash. by the time i realised my mistake, the atm ate my money. i wonder if it'll be added back into my account balance. later that same day, i made a wrong turning while driving to our supper place after service. i forgot to call my grandmother. then, when sending some friends home, i made a wrong decision about which route to take, and that effectively landed me home past 1am. which brings me here.

i'm confused and absent-minded, restless and distracted. what the [insert expletive here] is wrong with me?!

lishun at 1:19 AM