Thursday, June 14, 2007


i've been trying so long to be a stereotypical guy that every time i am reminded of my femininity, i turn away in disgust.

can you blame me? i was named after a chinese emperor in the hopes that i'd be born a boy. imagine the crushed expectations when i emerged a girl. what a burden to bear. no high profile position, no amount of As in my report card, no haircut could ever make up for that.

i am dismayed at the fact that i cry when i listen to bob carlisle's "butterfly kisses" and that as hard as i try to deny it, i suffer from pms. it hurts my ego to accept that i do get lonely in spite of my self-confidence and that deep down i believe in becoming a stepford wife who looks pretty in an apron, reads "the economist" and ushers her beautiful family to church every sunday morning.

so much for having the uncanny ability to understand the male psyche. biology doesn't lie.

anyway. repro in-course assessment tomorrow. 32 out of 35 lectures were dedicated to the female reproductive system; the boys only had 5 hours of stage time. there were moments when, studying yet another long list of causes of amenorrhoea, i loathed myself for being a woman with cyclical hormones and a vulnerable heart.

john mayer may have sung, "boys would be gone without warmth from a woman's good, good heart", but sometimes i still wish i fulfilled the original intention of my name.

lishun at 10:59 PM