Sunday, July 27, 2008

a note from sharon

"there's work to do, deadlines to meet
you've got no time to spare
but as you hurry and scurry
always say a prayer

in the midst of family chaos, quality time is rare
do your best; let God do the rest
always say a prayer

it may seem your worries are more than you can bear
slow down and take a breather
always say a prayer

God knows how stressful life is; He wants to ease our cares
and He'll respond asap -
always say a prayer!"
- father thomas

i always look forward to notes from sharon. she puts in so much effort into them that i cannot help but be immensely touched every time i receive something from her. i only get them when she's away. it just makes me miss her all the more.

this time is no different.

the last paragraph in her note reads:
persevere does not mean 'tahan' but means submitting to God and constantly asking for grace to overcome where you are now. converse with Him!

i thought about it as i drove back to seremban this evening. if perseverance doesn't mean sweeping my discontentment under the rug and roughing things out, then what does it mean? am i still allowed to want more? how can i be ambitious and not strive at the same time? when pastor tim talked about peace with God and peace from God this weekend, i couldn't help but wonder - if peace is about being alright with where i am, what difference is it with accepting the way things are and living just to get through life?

perhaps this is why i have been numb and less than enthusiastic for the last 8 months. i thought accepting my fate and doing my best with the hand life has dealt me meant going through things as they come and surviving the blows. i decided to abandon my dreams and my passions.

my writing sucks so badly now that my last article was probably trashed the moment the editor read it. she probably blocked my email address too. i care less about the people i used to care about. each social appointment is a burden. downloaded tv dramas have become my best friends. i just want to pass my exams. so much for doing the best with what i have.

there is a quote from karl barth in the 40-day fast & pray booklet that says:
to be a christian and to pray are one and the same thing

praying is pretty much talking to God - not telling Him what's been going on in my life or asking Him to do my will - and just seeking His presence. it's conversing, enjoying His company, submitting and letting go of whatever i've been 'tahan-ing' for so long.

perhaps what i need to do is go back to what prayer originally is. thanks, sharon, for the reminder. =)

lishun at 8:12 PM