Wednesday, August 25, 2004

still a child

i like to fancy myself as a grown up, being 19 and all. i'm living in a foreign country without my parents, i have my own atm card, i buy my own groceries, i pick up after myself, check out bus routes on my own and cleared up the mess of losing a wallet without much help.

yep, i've done it all. except vote, maybe.

anyway, it's pretty easy to reckon oneself as an adult in these circumstances, and sometimes i forget that i'm only 19. i can't drive, i don't work, i'm not using hard-earned money on those groceries that i buy.

i can't even handle university applications on my own.

i was reminded about how much a child i still am (or maybe how much a child my parents still think i am) when my dear parents came down to singapore unexpectedly yesterday. they came because i was worried about my uni applications, prelims, a-levels, what to wear for prom, and whatnot. so, being the lovely parents they are, they came down to talk to my deputy principal and my tutors to see how they can help ease the burdens off my shoulders and allow me to only worry about prelims, a-levels and how i'm going to afford that daniel yan gown.

i just saw an absolutely gorgeous one 2 weeks ago at OG centrepoint...and it costs S$200! aargh!

but i digress.

if i truly did feel that i am a grownup, i would have felt terribly annoyed at the fact that my parents came down to handle the things i, as an adult, can surely take care of. i mean, they came when i'm having EXAMS, threw my schedule 1/2 hr off, and made it seem as if i'm so weak as to not be able to get my applications off on time!

instead, i felt a huge sense of relief. i did my chemistry paper today worrying only about which reactions for organic chem were gonna be tested, and not about how terribly i'm going to screw up and not make it to uni. my DP has promised to do all she can to help, and my parents' coming here has given me a sense of assurance and security i haven't felt for a long long time.

it just shows that under all that independence and self-assurance, what i really want to be right now is a child. still dependent on my home, not quite ready to fly.

it's a priviledge i realise i only get to keep for a couple more years, so i'll have to grow up pretty fast. still, that little security net, that is shrinking surely, is there and i can still rely on it.

for now.

thanks mum and dad. =)

lishun at 10:53 AM

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