Saturday, September 30, 2006

the corny one with the self-affirmation

"yeah, i'm a freak (of nature)
yeah, i'm a freak
if only i could be as cool as you
as cool as you
body and soul, i'm a freak
- from "freak" by silverchair

"i wish i were special
you're so f**king special
but i'm a creep, i'm a weirdo
what the hell am i doing here?
i don't belong here
- from "creep" by radiohead

"i don't know why i'm feeling sorry for myself
i spend all my time
wishing i were someone else
- from "girl next door" by saving jane


isn't anyone even just a little bit happy with who they are anymore?

just this morning a close friend, with every good intention, suggested that i start hanging out in the places that he hangs out in. perhaps i should pick up the sports he plays, do the things he likes to do, listen to the same kind of music he puts on repeat on his mp3 player. i should try to break into his social circle, talk about the same things they talk about.

so i'd be able to get an opportunity to talk to him.

it's very practical, of course. i did that in secondary school and it worked. sorta. it gave me chances to steal some conversation, but at the end of the day nothing happened anyway because no matter what, i was still me.

i will always be lishun - the dork with bushy hair, a love for rock music, a penchant for embarrassing herself on the dancefloor, an equal interest in medical journals and cleo, an obsession with nathan scott, and the desire to go where i am needed in the future.

i'm a freak, a creep, the girl next door...and no amount of changing my interests will make me less me. although sometimes i envy the seemingly perfect people of the world, at least i am not blinded by the illusion that if i became someone i'm not, it'll make me more attractive.

it's a long shot, but even if anything were to happen, he'll just have to like me as the lishun that i am.

lishun at 5:48 PM