Monday, October 02, 2006


there was an episode of csi (i don't remember which one, which season) about a guy who literally ate himself to death. he ate so much that his stomach eventually ruptured, leaking its contents into his abdominal cavity. even if you aren't a medical student, you'd know that that isn't exactly good news.

through the autopsy and whatever tests they run in forensic labs, it was discovered that the guy had a condition where the satiety center (ventromedial hypothalamus - for all the sem5s ploughing through nervous system now) in his brain couldn't function the way it should, rendering him in constant hunger.

since his family could not afford the treatment required, all they could do is tie him up and ignore his pleas for food. he lived with his sister and her boyfriend when his parents died. they fed him three meals a day and spent the rest of the time listening to him moan and groan in hunger.

one day, when hungry boy's sister was away, her boyfriend saw an advertisement for an eating contest at the local fair, offering a prize of one thousand dollars. no surprises as to what he proceeded to do.

what he didn't count on was for hungry boy to escape (i dunno, maybe the fact that he weighed 300 pounds could have meant it'd be hard to pin him down, hmm?) and rampage through the fair, scarfing everything in sight, until he eventually died.

upon questioning by the csi gang, all the poor boyfriend could say was, "but he was so hungry. he was so hungry."


she's hungry and she cries about it. she moans, groans and constantly reminds people of her needs. they feed her as they deem fit, but it's never enough - her appetite is still unsatiated. so she finds ways to up her pity index, to the extent of hurting herself. it works sometimes, transiently. eventually people revert to the three meals a day and leave her tied, hungry and crying. so she raises the stakes again.

the only difference between her and the guy in csi (that rhymes!) is that while he has a physical pathological condition, her illness is more psychological than anything else. she's intelligent, fiercely outspoken...and she believes that self-destruction is the only way to satisfaction.

i didn't live with her all my life. it is impossible for me to ignore her cries the same way hungry boy's family managed to ignore him. although i know that all i am doing is feeding a hunger that cannot be satisfied, i still do it anyway because it's better than to wait for the day she she miscalculates, breaks free, goes all the way and let her hunger kill her.

i am giving positive reinforcement to negative behaviour (jambu would be so proud) but i have no idea what else to do. my head tells me to ignore her, stop feeding her and not let her manipulate me into giving her junk food. but my heart says i should be supportive anyway.

for the first time in my life, i see no compromise between the two; no middle road to take. what do i do now?

lishun at 10:08 PM