Friday, October 06, 2006

a mid-autumn night's mourning

i'm home unusually early today. just 20mins after downing a nasi lemak ayam at the burger stall outside uni, i finished the last 2 pages of my chronic leukaemia notes and decided to go home.

it is the mid-autumn festival, after all.

i came home to an empty driveway and an empty house - save the domestic help, who was engrossed in the latest episode of her favourite malay soap opera. my father had some college thing to attend while my sis and mum are having a girls' night out, attending a chinese music charity concert.

it didn't used to be this way. mid-autumn's night used to be celebrated at either my house or one of my aunt/uncle's houses. we would have a potluck, eat a couple of slices of mooncake (i always went right for the ones with the egg yolks. cholesterol? what?) before heading out to the garden to light some candles, hang lanterns up and throw some gunpowder-laden thingamajigs on the floor. if my uncle from taiwan were back, he would smuggle in forbidden fireworks and we would light those too. my favourite were the cartwheels that spun around, casting multi-coloured sparks at my toes.

after a while, we would go back indoors and sing "happy birthday" to my grandmother.

she's not here anymore. she, the glue that kept my family together. just a little more than a year after her passing, we're already showing signs of succumbing to the pressures of life now that we no longer have that common woman to love and adore. who do we stay together for now?

i miss my grandmother, but tonight i am mourning my family. i miss us.

lishun at 8:46 PM